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ridered86
04-11-2011, 02:47 PM
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence it's course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS:
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 inch socket you've been searching for for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say "Ouch...."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4:
Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS:
A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE:
Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

GASKET SCRAPER:
Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT:
A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST:
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

1/2" x 16"-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER:
A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT:
The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm Howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battles of the Bulge. More often dark than light, it's name is some-what misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR:
A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone and rounds them off.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.:lol:

tri again
04-11-2011, 03:33 PM
Thanks,
I needed that

Cave Rider
04-11-2011, 03:42 PM
Nice dude !!! Lmfao

wisconsinite
04-11-2011, 04:16 PM
:lol:been there done that on just about every one. great post!

Xpress
04-11-2011, 04:32 PM
BREAKER BAR:
A tool used to torque bolts down too tight and break the heads off flush with the mount.

SPRAY PAINT:
Used for covering up that scratch you put in your wifes car when you broke that bolt head off with the breaker bar.

SOLDERING IRON:
A tool used to burn holes in your clothes from molten solder dripping off. Also works to melt the plastic housing on the NOS brake light you just bought.

NINJA
04-11-2011, 09:31 PM
DREMEL TOOL:
A rotary cutting tool used to permanently destroy the port timing of perfectly good cylinders. A favorite of eBay sellers.

FLEXIBLE BALL HONE:
This tool is a favorite of your neighbor that works in sanitation for a living but also is a "profeshunil mekanic." It is the perfect substitute for inspecting and boring a cylinder for that new piston you bought.

PERMATEX GASKET MAKER:
Gasket kit? Who needs a gasket kit, or a scraper for that matter, when you got a tube of this stuff. It comes in your choice of bright blue or neon orange! It's best use is to plug oil galleys starving various engine components of vital oil.

110 WIRE FEED WELDER:
A favorite tool of folks that live in the hills. You can put any engine in any frame with the aid of this tool and some angle iron! If the weld breaks, just weld over it again.

SAWZALL:
The perfect tool for ruining a good rolling chassis. Also efficient at giving your neck a relaxing vibrating massage when the blade gets pinched in the middle of a cut. Almost always used in conjunction with: 110 WIRE FEED WELDER.

ridered86
04-14-2011, 09:48 AM
X-Acto Knife: Small, sharp tool designed to help in arts and crafts, also helps cut hoses and thumbs.

Grinder: See "Hacksaw".

Multi-Head Magnetic-Bit Screwdriver: Aids in the loss of small phillips and flathead bits into places unknown, forcing you to use the Vise-Grips to extract screws.

Drill Bits: A long, auger-like tool that is generally a half-size smaller than what you intended, forcing you to wallow out the hole, making it out-of-round, causing more work than required to go back to the toolbox and get the right bit.

ridered86
04-14-2011, 09:56 AM
PB Blaster: A chemical used to help loosen up stuck nuts and bolts, that generally goes all over everything else and is also flammable when you decide to heat up that part you just PB'd because it won't break loose.