A Smart Blonde

[Scootertrash]

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows.

All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blond politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

[dustrunner]

nice one.....anyone else got a good one ?

[Slingblade]

A communist, a Marxist, and a socialist walk into a bar.


The bartender then asks, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"

[Scootertrash]

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing001.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

[Lord Letto 20]

How fast can you guess these words?

1. BOO_S

2. _ _ NDOM.

3. F_ _ K

4. P_ N _S

5. PU_S_

6. S_X

[ColtonGG33]

^^ sounds like someone's getting a little horny lol

[CRAZY70MAN]

A horse walked into a bar and the bartender said.."Hey buddy.....why the long face?".......

[Lord Letto 20]

^^ sounds like someone's getting a little horny lol
Answers:1. BOOKS 2. RANDOM 3. FORK 4. PANTS 5. PULSE 6. SIX. You got all 6 wrong, didn't you? haha

[hoosierlogger]

Answers:1. BOOKS 2. RANDOM 3. FORK 4. PANTS 5. PULSE 6. SIX. You got all 6 wrong, didn't you? haha

Every damn one lol

[hoosierlogger]

There is a woodworking student who claims he can identify wood species by smell alone. They blindfold him and place a board under his nose. He inhales deeply, pauses for a second and says "yellow pine". That is correct replied the elder teacher.
The teacher then places a second board in front of him. He took a deep breath and replied "black oak". Once again the teacher replied correct.

Give me one more replied the student in a cocky manner. He teacher put his wife's dirty underware ( don't ask me why he had them with him) On the next board. The student took a deep breath, paused and said...... "That's the outhouse door from an old tuna boat"

[wisconsinite]

Two blondes walked into a bar. The brunette ducked.

[Scootertrash]

Three legged dog walks into a saloon
Bartender: "What can I do for ya?
Dog: "I'm lookin fer the man who shot my paw"

[CRAZY70MAN]

Three legged dog walks into a saloon
Bartender: "What can I do for ya?
Dog: "I'm lookin fer the man who shot my paw"

that is some funny chit there:lol::lol:......... How about the russian blonde and the american blonde arguing about space???? The russian blond says " We were the first to orbit the moon" The american replies.."Well...we were the first to land on the moon!!" The russian blonde says well....we will be the first to orbit the sun!! The american blonde says..Oh ya.....we will be the first to land on the sun!!!,, Russian replies......uhhhhh you will burn up?? The americam blonde replies "Duhhhh..not if you land on it at night"!! :lol:

[wheelsforheels]

Okay, its not a blonde joke, but one of my favorites.

The Tiny Cabin

A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?" she asked.

"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.

"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

"But," protested the social worker, (thinking that surely she will need to intervene in this situation) "are you never together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"

Government workers are so very smart.
______________________________________________

Have a good day all. The snow is just about all melted here. I used to ride the trikes a lot in the winter when I lived close to the snow machine trails. Now I live on a steep hill with no good places to wheel when its low traction. Glory days are here again! Beautiful mud!

[beets442]

I give advice!.....Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.
I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind t...he boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket??
ANSWER: I'd replace the bracket!

[wheelsforheels]

The ex-wife.....-


Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads
for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After along period of silence she finally speaks.

Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, handloading, and fishing.
Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't."

[wheelsforheels]

The Blind Cashier

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.'
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed,

But then she realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50

[Scootertrash]

A woman hits her 50th birthday, and thinking she's looking a little old, she decides to give herself a facelift for her birthday. After a week of healing, she decides to head out and test out her new looks.

She stops at McDonald's, orders some food, and while she's waiting she asks the cashier "How old do I look to you?"
The cashier replies "35 or 36"
The lady says "Thank You very much!, I'm actually 50!"

She stops to pick up a newspaper and gets the same compliment from the news man.

She is then waiting at the bus stop for the bus, and the gentleman standing next to her says "If you don't mind my saying so Miss, you look lovely this morning"

The lady says "Why thank you Sir, How old do I look to you?"

He says "Miss, I can tell you your exact age just by touching your breasts"

At first the lady is shocked, but then vanity takes over, she looks around to make sure no one is near, then says "OK fine, go ahead"

The man squeezes, squishes, fondles and jiggles them, finally the woman says "OK! That's enough! How old am I?"

The man says "Miss, you are exactly 50 years old"

The lady is shocked, "That's amazing! How did you do that?"

The man says:















"I was standing behind you at McDonald's"