MyMistress86R
03-14-2013, 07:11 PM
Monday evening my paternal grandmother (both grandpa's already gone and maternal grandma not all that healthy either) was admitted to the hospital under terminal life care after being found on the floor of her home by my father. I have always been extremely close with all my grandparents. Although, due to lifestyle and sheer geographical proximity, I have always felt closer to my father's parents. Both Gpa's served in WW2 (on the same island without meeting!!) and came from and were good ole strong country folk. Both made a living at farming although Gpa Mom primarily worked full time at the local GM plant. Gpa Mom was strong, supporting and quiet. Gpa Dad was strong, supporting and would lay it out like a sidewalk to you.
For some reason, my mom's parents always just seemed old while my dad's folks seemed so young and vibrant. With that, Gpa Dad died in '99 in his early 70's in about 10 minutes from a sudden, massive heart attack after having gotten his doctor's perfect bill of health just two days earlier and being out with my dad the night before . Gpa Mom beat a massive heart attack with quadruple bypass in the late 90s/early 2000s having worked 10hrs a day/6 days a week for GM for 30+ years (+ the farming) until prostate cancer snuck in and they caught it too late and he left us in 2008 in his early 80's at peace at home.
So then...Gma Dad has been found to be bleeding in the brain, not from stroke or aneurysm, just bleeding. At this point nearly 3/4 of the left half of her brain is saturated with blood and the pool is growing. Whatever happened caught her so suddenly that she didn't even have time to hit her Life Alert button (yes, it's a real service and it makes sense for older citizens). I had just been catching up with her Friday evening and other friends and family have confirmed various contact through Monday morning. A fuel delivery service confirmed contact at roughly 2:30pm Monday and my father found her around 4:30pm. She still had the fuel bill in her hand. She's 86 (87 in April) , walks with a walker and sits 3 feet from a 36" tv to see it because macular degeneration has taken her right eye and left only 35% of the left, BUT SHE WILL KICK YOUR ASS because she is 86 yrs of hard-working, kiss-my-ass country bred american woman.
After several doctor consultations and very emotional family discussions, it was agreed that there was no medical solution to the problem and she would not have wanted it anyway, as she had been ready to join Gpa Dad for more than long enough. There is absolutely no response to any stimulation of any form whatsoever. There is nothing in any way, shape or form that resembles a cognizant presence. She has not been on any form of artificial life support and will not be. We are living day by day waiting for the phone call that her body has finally decided to give up.
Herein lies my concern/problem...I visit her daily as my schedule allows, thinking this would be a short term issue. Why shouldn't it be, as the infirmity has already destroyed whatever might have been my Gma and there is ZERO chance of recovery at this point. Her body (shell) is being stubborn, which is ridiculous in and of itself because she had sugar problems and blood pressure problems and whatnot.
I find it harder and harder every day to go see her because it hurts more every time to see my super strong Gma wilting away to nothing and I really don't want those memories to be the way I remember her. I'm completely hating my life right now. Is she waiting for someone we aren't expecting to come see her before she goes? Is there something else she expects to happen to satisfy her life? Every minute of my life is consumed with this right now and this is the only place I felt comfortable even beginning to express my thoughts.
I know several, if not many, of you have dealt with a similar situation so my only hope is for understanding. Please do not offer condolences or offers for well wishes and/or prayers. We have all of that we can handle right now. If the desire prevails, silent thoughts and offers on your own terms will be appreciated and rewarded in whichever manner your belief sees fit. I thank you...my tipsy, tripedal, fanatical family...
For some reason, my mom's parents always just seemed old while my dad's folks seemed so young and vibrant. With that, Gpa Dad died in '99 in his early 70's in about 10 minutes from a sudden, massive heart attack after having gotten his doctor's perfect bill of health just two days earlier and being out with my dad the night before . Gpa Mom beat a massive heart attack with quadruple bypass in the late 90s/early 2000s having worked 10hrs a day/6 days a week for GM for 30+ years (+ the farming) until prostate cancer snuck in and they caught it too late and he left us in 2008 in his early 80's at peace at home.
So then...Gma Dad has been found to be bleeding in the brain, not from stroke or aneurysm, just bleeding. At this point nearly 3/4 of the left half of her brain is saturated with blood and the pool is growing. Whatever happened caught her so suddenly that she didn't even have time to hit her Life Alert button (yes, it's a real service and it makes sense for older citizens). I had just been catching up with her Friday evening and other friends and family have confirmed various contact through Monday morning. A fuel delivery service confirmed contact at roughly 2:30pm Monday and my father found her around 4:30pm. She still had the fuel bill in her hand. She's 86 (87 in April) , walks with a walker and sits 3 feet from a 36" tv to see it because macular degeneration has taken her right eye and left only 35% of the left, BUT SHE WILL KICK YOUR ASS because she is 86 yrs of hard-working, kiss-my-ass country bred american woman.
After several doctor consultations and very emotional family discussions, it was agreed that there was no medical solution to the problem and she would not have wanted it anyway, as she had been ready to join Gpa Dad for more than long enough. There is absolutely no response to any stimulation of any form whatsoever. There is nothing in any way, shape or form that resembles a cognizant presence. She has not been on any form of artificial life support and will not be. We are living day by day waiting for the phone call that her body has finally decided to give up.
Herein lies my concern/problem...I visit her daily as my schedule allows, thinking this would be a short term issue. Why shouldn't it be, as the infirmity has already destroyed whatever might have been my Gma and there is ZERO chance of recovery at this point. Her body (shell) is being stubborn, which is ridiculous in and of itself because she had sugar problems and blood pressure problems and whatnot.
I find it harder and harder every day to go see her because it hurts more every time to see my super strong Gma wilting away to nothing and I really don't want those memories to be the way I remember her. I'm completely hating my life right now. Is she waiting for someone we aren't expecting to come see her before she goes? Is there something else she expects to happen to satisfy her life? Every minute of my life is consumed with this right now and this is the only place I felt comfortable even beginning to express my thoughts.
I know several, if not many, of you have dealt with a similar situation so my only hope is for understanding. Please do not offer condolences or offers for well wishes and/or prayers. We have all of that we can handle right now. If the desire prevails, silent thoughts and offers on your own terms will be appreciated and rewarded in whichever manner your belief sees fit. I thank you...my tipsy, tripedal, fanatical family...