Wife wants a divorce.

[whyzee]

16 years together, married for 11. 3 beautiful girls, a 10 yr old and identical twins 7yrs old.
In a nutshell, I am incapable of truly loving someone other than myself first then my daughters and then my wife.
I am aware of this problem . I realize it's a huge flaw because unless I can change it I will be alone for the rest of my life.
After doing alot of reflecting I realize things just changed inside my brain after 3 major life events.
Death of my Dad, my best friend of 16 years stabbing me in the back beyond belief, and my sister's husband screwing me out of a large sum of money and forcing her to take his side. Haven't spoken to her in 12 years.
I learned to forgive and move on because I had to...for years I didn't sleep properly because of all this crap. But unfortunately I have not fully recovered. I just never let anyone get inside of my head fully ever since. I have always made sure I was ok...only thing that truly kept me together or I should say the only constant in my life that kept me going was riding. my kids , work and the fact that I had the most supportive wife in the world. Well no more. This is going to hurt pretty bad when it sets in.

[atc007]

Wish to God I could help you man. I don't know what else to say. You're a great guy,and if she's that good. She just might be worth changing ! Good Luck man.

[M.Pargiello]

Well, in my opinion a big part of marriage is being able to put her needs before yours sometimes (ok, all the time :) ), and showing her love in all forms. If you can't do this, then ultimately it is never going to work out. With your wife, or anyone. I really don't have any advice to offer, but if you really want it to work and she does, you will find a way to fix your issue.

[maxdallasfan]

Go see a psychologist. That will show her you are making an effort to change.

[manbearpig]

Go see a psychologist. That will show her you are making an effort to change.


Yes... However this could be leverage against you should a custody battle arise, which is very unfortunate.

As much as this is hurting you, be aware of how this will affect your children

[Dirtcrasher]

Hi Chris, so sorry to hear. Your family has been through allot. Seems like she stuck with you from our conversations without incident.

I don't want to be biased, but some women are crazy; Others just change throughout their lives.

If she means allot to you (sometimes the kids aren't the bond) then she will go to some counseling with you.

My wife left me because she was doing cocaine behind my back and refused help when I found out.

It's been awhile but I finally feel 100% happy alone and enjoy my friends.

One thing that pissed me off, we went to counseling and the 1st visit the psyc told us that if we continue to disagree we should separate and dissolve the marriage. It gave me little hope and made me feel terrible. She shouldn't throw it all away after a change in her brain. Were supposed to work with each other are we not??

PM me your number (and a good time to reach you) if you want to talk Chris. So sad that outsiders view relationships as "perfect" but far from it in real life.........

[86T3]

I ve only been married for a little over a year but i think i can relate. I feel that im kind of a selfish person but i try to do things for my wife. Its little things like helping with dishes or cooking, trying to make time for her to.do things she enjoys. Even dumb things like building a cat condo for her cats. I guess its just try your best to show you care. I dont know if you ever watched the movie The Weatherman but the father in it has some great quotes. I cant quote it word for word but the gist is nothing that is easy is good, only the things you work at are rewarding. Its obvious to us that you care or you wouldnt reach out for help. I hope something in here can help, best wishes for you and your family.

[DasUberKraut]

Sorry man. My marriage will be over in about 5 or 6 weeks. We made it all of 18 months.

I tried the begging and pleading. I tried crying like a little girl. In the end... I came to the realization that I never should have married her. It hurts like hell. I guarantee no matter how crappy you feel right now. You will find peace.

[KASEY]

i don't think i can give much advice.. but i can relate .. i can count on one hand how many times we have thought about a divorce,, at one point i even gave up all the things i thought i needed in my life to help the situation, well it did make a difference in the outcome of my life.. i have been married only one time to the same person,, 34 years now,, we have been through alot to say the least,,, BUT today life is better than it has ever been i have 3 beautiful daughters with 2 grandkids,, i look back and realize the things i was holding on to so tight really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.,, i feel i am better for what i let go of in an effort to keep my family ,, we are a fantastic family today and the best thing of all in my life now.. is when my kids come to me and hug me and tell me that now as adults they see what i did for them,,, it comes back ten fold believe me it does... my kids NEVER ever leave my house without a giant hug a kiss and "love you daddy" life is grand,,,,,,

[FBF]

April fools day right?

[whyzee]

^ no, no April fools day here.
Lot's of great advice guys. Thank you all! She certainly is worth changing for. We have been down this road quite a few times and I always get her back then get complacent again. I just don't follow through for long.
Kasey, I hear what you are saying about giving up things that you thought you needed to hold on to.
My family is the most important thing in the world to me. I am going to try as hard as I can to keep us together.
It's not like I am a bad person, she even tells me that I am probably the nicest person she has ever met. A great Dad, etc. But I hardly ever put her feelings first. I'm either working on a bike, riding a bike or playing on my phone cruising 3WW. I never just sit back ,enjoy time with her and talk. Ugh..she's right.

[atc007]

Lol,,sounds like someones changing :)...Super great advice Kasey. I can second having a family that loves you,,down the road,,is priceless. Time TRULY spent with those kiddos and her can't compare to 3ww...oops,was that out loud?? We're ALL pulling for ya Chris. Like Steve said, you give me a call anytime also.

[CRAZY70MAN]

Been down this road. My daughter was 1 1/2 old. We had just built a brand new home. New suv,new cars..etc. Life was grand. I unfortunately caught her on the phone with another man. We considered counseling but realized it was no good for our situation. Those were some of the hardest times of my life but friends,faith and my family made me soldier on..as well as my daughter. I kept the house but got all the bills?? lol.... My daughter is going to be 13 this year and I am very proud to say as I get a few tears in my eyes that I have no regrets and I know in my mind I did the best that I could. I still made the ballgames, went on vacations with her, rodebikes, seen her get on the first schoolbus and the like. She is still my little girl after all the bullsh%T has settled at the end of the day. You sound like a good guy at heart to me who has been thru some real tuff times in your life. Take your time....think it out and communicate with her to see if there is any chance to save it. If not..hopefully both of you can be mature and not get in a tugging match with the kids. My ex wife...no matter what she did in my eyes is still my daughters mother. I never spoke a negative word about her in front of my daughter. Do the best you can my friend. That is all you can do..the best you can. Life went on for me and I remarried the best woman I ever met. I tell her it was like finding an old 65 mustang with no miles parked in a barn..lol rare breed of a real woman today is what I mean.lol.... Enough about my past. Sometimes it is just the nature of some of us to get caught up in the scramble of life and to not be able to make everyone happy in my eyes. Sometimes they are not happy from within and look to others to make them happy and when it does not work, move on. I hope you get your situation figured out. Feel free to give me a call anytime if you need a laugh....I am no good at advice...:lol::lol: Keep that chin up.... Andy

[shovelryder]

YOU just answered all yer questions!!!! Right there!!!! And I gotta say......To the guy whos giving her a break by helping with the dishes......youll never see the twnty plus that Ive seen........Ya better be doin alot more than that!!!!!!!And BTW.....Thats YOUR job to!

My Mom just passed, Dads gettin close enough that he gave me all the titles and deeds yesterday......Just lost my kid nephew in a tragic snowmobile accident.......But my wife is very high on a pedestal........We fight over who GETS to do chores cause we wanna see the other relax.....Put yer phone down and take a break from the site.......Park the toys fer a bit.........Change is always for the better. TELL her nose to nose your intentions........Ya gotta try man......I wish you well friend!!!!

[oldskool83]

You stated your causing it, so change. If you dont talk or love anyone you wont have another wife let alone a gf or anything. Just do stuff with her. It's not that hard. Just sell some wheelers and stay outta the garage an extra 2 days a week. Simple trade off.

Hell id be more then happy to even have a wife to talk to let alone a women.

[dcreel]

Having been through 2 divorces and 2 custody battles I feel for you. But, by your own admission it sounds like you need to change and keep it changed. Marriages are an ongoing work. Both sides meet in the middle and there has to be open lines of communication. The only thing that keeps my chin up at night knowing my kids don't live with me, is that I tried my hardest and did all that I could to make it work. If my kids were away from me and I had to live with the fact that I refused to change and caused everything to fall apart.. I don't think I could live with that. It sounds like you have the chance to make a change for the better and keep it together. Divorce is a bummer and it wears on the kids. Go to some counseling, by yourself, and with your wife.

Good luck to you.. Daughters need their dads around. I loved watching my kids sleep "snug as a bug" as it were. It becomes oh so real when all you have is an empty bedroom where your child used to sleep. A quiet house isn't always a good thing, and a picture isn't always worth a 1000 words.

It's time to fix it..

[maxdallasfan]

So sad that outsiders view relationships as "perfect" but far from it in real life.........

Perfect quote right there my friend! We see all these people on Facebook (aka Farcebook) that shows pics of their perfect life, perfect marriage, perfect job, perfect kids, etc. It makes me sick. This society of false self-promotion is sickening IMO. Makes one think that their relationship is crap, compared to their Facebook friend #547. I know so many people who glorify themselves on FB, but in real life, it is completely the opposite. I got trapped into thinking everyone else's life was perfect and mine was garbage.

eff Facebook. I can't wait until it is gone.

[shovelryder]

Perfect quote right there my friend! We see all these people on Facebook (aka Farcebook) that shows pics of their perfect life, perfect marriage, perfect job, perfect kids, etc. It makes me sick. This society of false self-promotion is sickening IMO. Makes one think that their relationship is crap, compared to their Facebook friend #547. I know so many people who glorify themselves on FB, but in real life, it is completely the opposite. I got trapped into thinking everyone else's life was perfect and mine was garbage.

eff Facebook. I can't wait until it is gone.For some of us FB is a place to stay in touch and show friends into our lives........And some of our marriages really are that good.......My life is pretty grand....Has its flaws,like a couple recent deaths, but surely wont piss and moan like alot do day after day on there.....I like FB......I doubt itll go away anytime soon.

[LastFoolerInVA]

I'm not going through a divorce (and dont want to) ... but you guys have some great advice... I might have to try some of those things... cause lord knows how much my wife & I fight... argue... whatever..

[hublake]

Having just read this thread, I can see why whyzee wife's wants a divorce. It is all in the second sentence of his original post. That sentence says it all.

[whyzee]

Thanks guys. I appreciate all your advice. I will take it to heart, maybe this time for whatever reason it will stick.
As far as my marriage. I am not throwing in the towel but it's over. She is already long long gone emotionally. She called divorce lawyers today.
I am not completely at fault. Things needed to change on both ends. I just always thought we would do it together. I know sometimes that is impossible to do though.
Thanks to all of you for reaching out. Learn a little lesson from me if you find yourself giving more time and care to your hobbies rather than your wife.

[shovelryder]

Then by god make the best of it!

[whyzee]

Your right shovelryder. Rather than sit back and get depressed, i should embrace the opportunity and make the absolute most of it. That means being the best Dad I can possibly be. But the other side of me knows I will not be able to fully cope with this unless I start riding motocross again. That of course comes with risks as we all know.

[ColtonGG33]

You could do both and ride with your kids?

[jays375]

Keeping stuff inside will get the best of you.Tends to make you mean and snap at the slightest thing.Tend to be obsessive compulsive.Know where you are coming from with that part of it.That is why I am basically alone and do more stuff on my own.Of course doesn't help most people I know are busy with family stuff.Another thing is my family has never been a tight group.No big family doings on either side.You have a lot you can't afford to loose.More than I will ever have.Try to make a change for the better.Even if it doesn't work out might make you a better person.

[atc007]

Your right shovelryder. Rather than sit back and get depressed, i should embrace the opportunity and make the absolute most of it. That means being the best Dad I can possibly be. But the other side of me knows I will not be able to fully cope with this unless I start riding motocross again. That of course comes with risks as we all know.
You KNOW I love ya man. But you can't take care of kids layed up,or worse,,paralyzed or dead. MX is risky business. I know you go like I did. Till your arms are ready to fall off,plus 10 more laps. We're not kids anymore! Take care of yourself. It is very hard for us to be doling out advice on your marriage. But since we're trying!! MAYBE she'll slow down long enough to see change,if you do?! Everything happens for a reason they say,and I hope all ends up well for you. You are such a great person.

[fabiodriven]

I have very little advice to offer, but the little advice I do have is as simple as it is important.

You are in a very vulnerable position. The solutions to your problems are not at the bottom of a pill bottle or a flask. Whatever the outcome, keep yourself happy and put out good thoughts. The law of attraction is more powerful than any other law, including gravity. You will get back what you put out, so mind your output and all will be well.

[symfrog]

I feel for you, there is a chance given time that she may find the grass isnt greener, I detached after my x did and had I been available we might have reunited when she finally realized i wasnt horrible, we were married for 18 years, she could change her mind and want to try/start over, it's a tough call, I missed time with my girls and my x. Time does heal and only God knows the future, dont give up so easily and adjust your priorities, what is really important to you and cannot be recreated or replaced, watching your kids grow up and growing old with the one you love more than yourself.

[Dirtcrasher]

Chris, you once put up a picture of you and her. I thought wow, what a lucky guy! She's beautiful and your a good looking guy. For all know, you left the room and punched each other in the face.

I once had a pretty girl that loved me to death as well as I loved her; After 3 years I spent the majority of my time wrenching, playing with the computer or on EBAY for parts I needed. Many many times she would cook or ask me to hang out on the couch and I barely budged saying "If your hungry EAT "; or she'd ask me to go riding. How can anyone not like a pretty woman on her ATV? I always found ways to make excuses to get out of it.

It was just her and I and she eventually left me. I should have had dinner with her with the TV off and talk about things, I should have sat with her and watched movies. I should have made her feel loved and not lonely living with me. I wanted her there, but I was selfish and alienated her.

When she left, I had to evaluate a things. Took me years to get over it but I did know what damage I had done to her and I wouldn't do it again.

[tri again]

So sorry doesn't come close, I know.
Lawyers are supposed to almost talk people OUT of divorce as part of their ethics.
Sorry for the previous poster who's counsellor suggested a split.

We're all here to help, however we can.
My last 'session', we were told to sit opposite each other, more like back to back,
no facial expressions to be seen and one person talks for 30 minutes withOUT interruption.
Then it's the other's turn.
It is an appointment you guys make with each other.
NOTHING is more important than making it on time to that appointment
and NO interruptions, phones etc.

It is a hardcore substitution for the time we miss on a daily basis
with all the details and challenges of life that get in the way of true communication.

I can't really comment on priorities except that if you are not number one, wait,
your kids have to be number one....nope, the relationship is most important.
I've been told that if I'm not the best I can be I'm no good to my kids and family.

Not sure how that's supposed to work, but when 'she' comes home, I drop everything.
Wrenches in the driveway, whatever and walk up to the car.
and let her talk.
and do not offer advice unless she specifically asks for it.

Women use 7,000 words a day and every one is important.
Men use about 2,000 and less is better for us.

Blessings to you and your family.
I don't like it when people say things will always work out for the best,
but it's usually true.

A little time and awareness of what's really going on will go a long way.

ps - There are also sites like this one about relationships.
I promised myself to spend an hour a day learning as much as I could.
and it was almost as fun as 3ww.
Hang in there and try to keep the 'big picture' in focus.

[beadle]

im not one to really give advice but.... Its not over till those papers are signed you still have time, my suggestion is a date night just you and her where ever/ whatever she wants to do. Im not saying this is the cure but it could be a start! good luck my friend!

[whyzee]

You guys are great!
Thanks for the compliment DC!
DC, you just about summed up my waking moments with the wife. I always made time for my kids, but never really made time for her. Don't get me wrong. I was never ever mean to her, I'm not a violent person at all. In fact she always joked with my family that if I wasn't so dam nice she would have left a long long time ago. She just kept hoping I would change and I always thought I would give her more of my time the next night and the next etc


. And to be perfectly honest she started smoking and drinking pretty heavily about 2 yrs ago which just grossed me out. ( not to even mention her prescribed pain pills )Who wants to come home and talk to a drunk person with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. So yes, i kinda lost even more interest. Then I put my foot down and took all access to our finances away in Dec 2012. She would just drink and spend money all the time. She would even be drunk picking up and driving our kids aroind. I finally flipped out and had a serious meeting with her sister. She finally gave up almost all of her drinking since January, and her Dr cut her off cold turkey from her pain meds and she is unable to get them anymore . Thank God!
and has had an Epiphany since then. I was the one causing all her stress and depression which is why she needed to drink. I don't mind her smoking or drinking at all but only have a few glasses of wine and smoke outside. She would drink a big bottle every day and smoke in the house and in the car with our girls in it!
I know I am not perfect by any means. I have an ocd type personality, so when I focus on something that is all i do.

Ok enough of Dr Phil for now.
sorry if this is very unorganized with no paragraphs. I am using my phone and it's almost impossible to go back and change things.

[tri again]

Any 'extracurricular' activities takes away from a mutual relationship.

Alcohol is really no different than gambling or racing or anything else, from what I've learned.
It's usually a symptom.

When we got sidetracked, I called the number on the back of a lottery ticket.
They have free counselling for family members, mandated by state law.
and it doesn't have to be a gambling problem.
They have marriage and family counsellors that (with all due respect)
NEED clients so they can continue to get their grant $.
Hecks, as I see it, everything is a gamble and they are more than happy to help.

yeah, smokin' around kidz is a no no in anyone's book for sure but maybe there's a reason
that is more compelling than safety?
Did I just say that?

What we all say to each other at our various times of weakness:
for example, I JUST got a call from a neighbor who has the shakes so bad from drinking for the last few days, he wanted cans so he could get a beer to stop the shakes.

What is the #1 problem?
some people drink because it just feels good, but it needs to be treated with respect.
Drinking every day ruins the buzz so special occasions may be ok, if it can be done that a way.

If talking facing away from each other doesn't work, maybe an independent
person can pry out what's bothering her.

Of course, EVERYthing is MY fault and I can't even wash a coffee cup correctly.
No one can make anyone drink.

I drink and gamble and go to bars and drive drunk and spend all my money 'cause YOU'RE an *&^%!

I think not.

"they' say that if you're in the woods and cold and wet and hungry, the only happy yer gonna get is warm and dry with food.
To be transported to a 5 star hotel with room service is not going to create any more 'happiness'.

It's so hard to be positive, starting with the negative, but it has to be done and
glad you're telling it like it is. (unless she can read these posts in which case, you're probably in trouble anyway)

Back to my drunk neigbor.. do I give him a beer and some aspirin so he doesn't stroke out or have a seizure or both?
(probably the smartest thing to do in the short term)

Is he going to change his life so this doesn't happen every few weeks
Am I helping or hurting by 'helping' and covering his bills etc etc?

Is it my fault he drinks so much?
Am I making it too easy for him to dring and not go to work?
That thought has occured to me defined as 'enabling'.

I have a counsellor that he can call anytime and she just keeps track of her time.
He's happy to know I care but still continues.

ok, bounce back to the gf/wife.
Mine wants to know she is #1, spoiled rotten and happy to be there but not happy enough, apparently.

House is always warm, if dinner isn't cooking, there are always a few different choices.
There is always something to complain about and boy does it get old fast.
Makes me want to give up, every day.

I wish I knew what th 'real problem' was.

I just hate not knowing.
I'm a freakin' guy, and I need to identify the problem and FIX IT!!!!
I don't wanna talk about it.
I want facts enough to FIX IT!

They (most women) need to share their feelings, even if they get no closer to a solution.
It's part of what makes them magical and mysterious.
And almost any woman will tell us that if we chose to listen.

We (guys) point, grunt and identify a problem and FIX the s.o.b.
Get the tools, parts, lumber, shingles, whatever, quit making excuses and FIX it.

wrong!
wrong arena for that kinda thinking.

I only repeat this stuff since I've heard it for years from people who know.

The solution?
is a delicate mix of everything, the recipe and secret formulation are the puzzle parts you have to work with.

[tri again]

uuugggh.
Sorry if that last post was too intense.
and sorry if this one's worse.

No matter what we are going through, and as special as we feel, someone has been through it before. Some folks have devoted their lives to working with these types of problems.

There are alanon meeting I like and other options everywhere.
Why did I go to the gambling sessions? 'she' doesn't have a gambling problem but the
essential facts and fixes are the same.
Super hot shot people with advanced degrees that want to help.

I just hate to see this kind of heartache.
Especially when it could be some simple that got overlooked through no fault of ANYone's.

In my years of problem solving, it has become apparent that some people have hidden feelings they simply cannot identify.
I suggested a lady go to physical therapy and after a couple sessions, she broke down in tears.
Apparently her drunken dad had backhanded her when she was real young and she hit the corner of a dresser and got knocked out.
It wasn't until the therapist had 'dug' deep into those muscles that she finally remembered what the cause of her chronic pain was.

Her real time symptoms were an "unfounded' distrust of men in general, unidentifiable causes for depression and panic attacks for no apparent reason at all, occasional bouts with alcohol and whatever drug distractions she could come up with.

Once it gets sorted out, it seems so obvious in retrospect and things can fall into place.

[whyzee]

Wow Tri again you have some serious insight! Thank you.
Maybe I should pay you to be a mediator for my wife and I.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

[tri again]

I probably have ocd AND adhd so I get to focus on 5 things at once and
get 1 or 2 things 1/2 done.
Well maybe one done to completion.

Had a great time firing up the campground showers.
Had about 15 disconnects from last fall so it wouldn't all freeze and break.
Naturally, I forgot about half of them so it was more of an irrigation test, but they're ready.

But seriously, you're in a great place for change.
You ears seem to be open.
Remembering when you first fell in love, is a good start.

Maybe try a date night if talking isn't the right thing at this moment.
That talking where you make an undisputable 'appointment' with each other and don't be a minute late. NO excuses.
Face away from each other and one person goes first for 30 minutes.

Yeah, a dinner out with or without etoh like beadle said, and talk about plans to try something different?
No heavy issues, just plans for a later time when you both HAVE time and calm strength to be open and honest.
but your dinner date needs to be simply fun and easy.
There will always be time for the 'details'.

Another thought is to LEAVE all topics from your 'talking sessions' right there. No discussions about them outside the sessions.
It is sacred ground and leaves the heavy stuff for when you're both ready.

The rest of your interactions can just be for the fun, day to day stuff.

Like anything else, it could work like a dream or not.
Pretty intense for being so simple.

[Buck Snort]

After 11 years of being married, my wife said I was selfish and a drunk. I just gone through the death of my dad and cousin a few years before that. WTF..... did she know I thought. I went to the shop and got drunk that night , I guess like normal. The next day she and the kids asked me to leave. THAT HURT! After the first month, of being very misserable I had two buddies tell me they could see it coming and I needed to get my priorities in check. I was mad at them, but over the next few months I stopped drinking went to a counsellor and started exercising and spending every minute I could with my kids. After 6 months my wife came to the counsellor with me , I couldn't believe it. The wife discovered she had alot too work on too. We actually started talking and hanging out after awhile and that was not always pleasant, but it helped. That was 8 years ago. We are still married and for the most part having agreat life together. I still mess with my trikes and hunt alot but I also do alot with my wife and kids. That rough patch, in the long run brought us closer . It did take effort on both our parts. I just wanted too share this with you, we were in major trouble for a good year and it did work out. So good luck and best wishes for wich ever direction you and your wife choose.

[atc007]

After 11 years of being married, my wife said I was selfish and a drunk. I just gone through the death of my dad and cousin a few years before that. WTF..... did she know I thought. I went to the shop and got drunk that night , I guess like normal. The next day she and the kids asked me to leave. THAT HURT! After the first month, of being very misserable I had two buddies tell me they could see it coming and I needed to get my priorities in check. I was mad at them, but over the next few months I stopped drinking went to a counsellor and started exercising and spending every minute I could with my kids. After 6 months my wife came to the counsellor with me , I couldn't believe it. The wife discovered she had alot too work on too. We actually started talking and hanging out after awhile and that was not always pleasant, but it helped. That was 8 years ago. We are still married and for the most part having agreat life together. I still mess with my trikes and hunt alot but I also do alot with my wife and kids. That rough patch, in the long run brought us closer . It did take effort on both our parts. I just wanted too share this with you, we were in major trouble for a good year and it did work out. So good luck and best wishes for wich ever direction you and your wife choose.
Awesome story. GOOD for you and your family !!!! I've been gonna email ya Chris,sorry I haven't. Hope things are better :)

[Tri-Z 250]

Going on 12yrs and a few times she's blown her stack and screamed the D word. When the twins showed up 4yrs ago it changed the family dynamic from 3 to 5 (daughter of 3 at twins birth). The day to day suff became a real issue with us both. I wasn't cleaning enough and doing enough to support her. I felt she needed to drop work at 5pm pick the kids up, come home and cook a meal once in awhile. We work together for a family business...trust me we see pleanty of each other. When I'm in the doghouse, I'm in it all day...but we get over or past times like that, so far. I can't imagine going through a divorce personally...it would kill me. Then again our problems seem small and typical of a family with just enough to get by but not enough to get ahead. Just last night she gave me the look and mentioned "what could you possible be doing on that site for so long" :lol:. She doesn't understands the sport of MX and certianly has had her fill of 3wheeler parts at the doorstep. She does however respect it and knows my love runs deep for it. She always notices how much better I feel after an OTC or traveled race. I send her off once a year to vacation with either friends or Mother-inlaw away from the kids for a week. It's a trade off and good breaks for us both, I go get muddy on a bike, she perfers the spa. Mixing in the bad behavior hasn't been much of an issue as our dedication has become the kids and home...Which hasn't given us much time for our personal realationship with one another. We battle with the day to day and romantic moments seem to come on the Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. If I take away anything from reflecting from your open post to share...I got alot of selfish tendences, I could try harder to be a better person to her, We all have alot of the same issues and sharing is good....If it works Godbless you both for working on each of yourselves to help each other get past some tuff times. If indeed the road divides, it's the realationship of your childern that will become your family strength. I come from a Divorced family from a pretty young age(preteen). My Dad and Mom get along better now than ever...My wife thinks its great( I kinda nod and smile). It's just life and you really never lose touch because of the kids(so you get along when times call for it). Dad always says in small doses I can handel her, but living with her no way...Moms never liked how right/perfect he was all the time(his way or the highway). Time heals all wounds but sometimes never changes an opinion. So best of luck man which ever way the road guides you just love them kids...They're as uncertian about the future as you, but a hug and the confidence of your love and dedication to them will weather any worry.

[tri again]

Why are we here? Like triZ's comment.
I've gotten that question a few times and even been 'stalked' on here.
What is so interesting about this site?
For me, it's 4 am, and burning shooting pains woke me up.
Honestly? It's safe social interaction,
I don't do facebook or any other 'social' sites and rarely leave the farm.
Actually going anywhere is not fun for me, but here, in my chair...
If I say something dumb, someone will call me on it.
If I have good advice to share, it's appreciated.
It's a good 'reference point.
"They' don't understand it's not all about going fast.
We have cancer and surgeries, broken bones, broken hearts and deceased and missing people. 3ww is a full spectrum experience for me.

and WTF anyway? This is one of the most positive place I can go without leaving home.
Everyone wants to help and it's a nice 'hobby' and place to spend time, but back to the issues at hand.

My 'significant other' remended me of steve martin in 'the jerk' when he was leaving his wife.
All I need is this, and this paddle ball set, and this remote control and that's all I need and this ashtray and this broken pencil and thats all I need.....and it went on for years.
A new car would be happy for a few days, a new tv, about the same.
Never seemed to matter what I did or didn't do until it bacame very clear that EVERYthing I did was wrong.
From washing dishes to planting tomatoes or digging a hole in the ground, something was always wrong.
I went to marriage counselling for a year, BY MYSELF!
I'm sure that was wrong too.

Now that the kids are on their own, it's not so important to try so hard and still be wrong.
I may have given up trying.

I hesitate to click 'post' because the family life and kids were / still are the most important thing in the world to me but it's also time for me to heal, stay healty and find grins and giggles, run trikes on all my farm chores and be generally positive and NOT get dragged down by someone who simply never seems to be happy.
We're separated now.
Is she happy now that I'm (the reason for ALL her unhappiness)out of the picture?

You can guess that answer, I'm sure.

Don't take any of this too seriously as I am probably older than most of youse guys on here.
Just trying to get by like everyone else, stay positive, help when I can and on and on.

Yupp, I think I will NOT post this.
Just doesn't seem productive

[atc007]

Damn,,,you are one incredibly LUCKY man !! Well said. And I just happen to agree with the rest too! Except all the hate part ??? Anyhow,If they clone her ,let us all know ! lol

[whyzee]

Thanks for sharing all of your stories guys . It's great to hear from all if you.
The wife left for Florida for a little vacation . A welcome change for both of us right now. We have been getting along in a civil manner, still living together. Both of us are just doing what we need to do to be there for the kids. They still do not know yet. I told her since she wants the divorce she has to tell them ...some of you might think that is weak / cowardice but until she tells them I am not going to give up hope.

Thanks again

[atc007]

Seems you do want to keep her? When she comes home,have that place spic and span. Spotless. Her favorite supper,her favorite candies,nail polish,whatever you can think of that she Loves and hasn't had in a while. All the little things add up. We're pullin for ya either way man :)

[tri again]

Seems you do want to keep her? When she comes home,have that place spic and span. Spotless. Her favorite supper,her favorite candies,nail polish,whatever you can think of that she Loves and hasn't had in a while. All the little things add up. We're pullin for ya either way man :)
Great flashback 007.
I've heard that flowers get one point.
A new house gets one point.
A new car gets one point.
Missing a 'date', being late or mssing anniversary is minus 2 points,
so it's not the magnitude.
Definitely all the little things that add up.

[Dirtcrasher]

She is too pretty to smoke; I simply think a girl that smokes is a turnoff.

Probably because when I was young, we'd take the VW beetle up to Canada and mom smoked the whole way and with the windows up! :lol:

[CRAZY70MAN]

She is too pretty to smoke; I simply think a girl that smokes is a turnoff.

Probably because when I was young, we'd take the VW beetle up to Canada and mom smoked the whole way and with the windows up! :lol:

lmfao...:lol::lol:... I remember those days too buddy...:lol::lol:

[rdlsz24]

whyzee any updates? For "some reason" I thought of this yesterday and went about finding it

Rob

[briano]

I was also thinking of this last night, glad someone found it.
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now. Been with the wife for a little over 10 years but only been married for 7 months, we have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter that brightens my day. For the past several months it seems that Facebook and Pinterest have taken over my wife. We can be sitting and watching a movie and she's still playing with her phone. We have two couches, I can be on one and her on the other and she is so into this Facebook crap it's like I'm not there. I tried many times to start a conversation and she doesn't even hear me. It really pi$$es me off when our daughter is standing right in front of her trying to get mommys attention and she can't even look.
We don't get much alone time together because we both work the same shift and our daughter keeps us busy. But I'm always ignored, if we have a minute I try for a quick smooch and get pushed away. Or if we do get some alone time all of my "advances" are ignored, or there's always a reason to shoot me down. I'm not just looking for a sexual encounter but a bit of attention would be nice once in a while.
Now we are in the midst of a scuffle and we were supposed to go out tonight, I told her have fun I'm making other plans. I hate to do it but dammit I'm tired of being ignored. Maybe this is the end, maybe not but I know one thing for sure is Facebook is leaving or I am.
Sorry about my rambling but I don't have an account on Facebook to talk to my wife. Maybe some of you will understand my situation where technology is more important than a loving relationship.

[maxdallasfan]

You know briano, I went through the same thing 4 years ago. Was with my ex for 10 years before we finally tied the knot. Then, 4 months later, she wanted a divorce. Now, there was a kid involved, but not ours. Hers. I met the ex when her daughter was 2. Practically raised her. She was the reason we stayed together. Plus, I was in my early 30's, all my friends were married, kids, etc. and I felt that this was my last chance.

Facebook played into it as well. It was more myspace back then though. I despise those sites. All they are is self promotion for people to say hey, look how great my life is. You know what, it's all B.S.

Anywho, we got divorced, and I met my current wife online 1 year later. Greatest girl you could want to know. I kick myself for staying with the ex so long. And yes, i'm still involved with my ex's daughter. We all just went rock climbing last week.

So what i'm saying is, life is too short not to be happy. If you're not happy, then change it man. You'll be surprised, but kids pick up on this stuff as well, and in the end it might be better for everyone involved.

[oldskool83]

ugh the gay facebook and women drama...I'm glad I am over it. could care less about anyone from highschool who thought I was good looking or they happy or sucky lives. As far as divorce goes been there, its really fun, not. but I recently need to get a passport to leave the country and I hate to provide all my ex wifes information...I did not know anything! nor should she help with providing some public knowelege. so if you every appy for a passport keep some key dates like her DOB, your divorce date and her address or last know address.

There are other women out there, but meeting them is hard it seems if they are over 30 but online dating is not too bad if you don't find one with a million kids working at subway for 7 bucks and hour....then stay away cuz it will not get you a good woman.

I hope for your best.

[tri again]

I was also thinking of this last night, glad someone found it.
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now. Been with the wife for a little over 10 years but only been married for 7 months, we have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter that brightens my day. For the past several months it seems that Facebook and Pinterest have taken over my wife. We can be sitting and watching a movie and she's still playing with her phone. We have two couches, I can be on one and her on the other and she is so into this Facebook crap it's like I'm not there. I tried many times to start a conversation and she doesn't even hear me. It really pi$$es me off when our daughter is standing right in front of her trying to get mommys attention and she can't even look.
We don't get much alone time together because we both work the same shift and our daughter keeps us busy. But I'm always ignored, if we have a minute I try for a quick smooch and get pushed away. Or if we do get some alone time all of my "advances" are ignored, or there's always a reason to shoot me down. I'm not just looking for a sexual encounter but a bit of attention would be nice once in a while.
Now we are in the midst of a scuffle and we were supposed to go out tonight, I told her have fun I'm making other plans. I hate to do it but dammit I'm tired of being ignored. Maybe this is the end, maybe not but I know one thing for sure is Facebook is leaving or I am.
Sorry about my rambling but I don't have an account on Facebook to talk to my wife. Maybe some of you will understand my situation where technology is more important than a loving relationship.

Dear lord, I hope we learn something.
I know this is whyzee's thread but if we think of all the poeple that ever existed, what we're going through, has been done millions of times before but we feels SO special, no one could understand.
I am only allow to speak during commercials even if it's a movie that's been seen 14 times.
Came to the conclusion that everything I do, say, think or believe is wrong.
NO problem.
That being said, fellas, we get 1 point ONE for building a house, one point for a dead flower arrangement, ONE point for buying her a new car etc. you get the idea.
"I don't want you to fix it!!!!!! I want you to LISTEN"
usually followed by, "can I borrow your credit card"?

I've tried it all, I believe.
Gold and diamonds on all 4 corners.
Dream house in the country, absurd vacations and even a dedicated cell phone that no one else had the number to except the significant other.

Even tried pretending I don't care, but we do.
On a lighter note, I thought about meeting someone I don't like and that is mean to me and just giving her all (1/2?) my stuff and get it over with.

Wish I had better words of wisdom, but sometimes they do escape me.
I've found that if people aren't happy, there is NOthing anyone can do.

Many many studies have been done on depression but no one has ever studied happiness.
well, maybe recently.
My supermodel wife was a dream, met her after a bad back surgery, living with her mom.
Got her into p.t., acupuncture and job retraining. She wound up doing computer stuff at a recording studion and hired as a vocalist...and then on to a 130,000 a year as a graphic designer. Ran real estate holdings up to almost a million but she wanted a divorce, couldn't really say why.
well, you guessed it, she's back at mom's house, sleeping on the couch.

Maybe I'll go ride and drag the spike tooth and come back with some actual words of wisdom.

oh, ask 'em what they want and you'll get, "you should know" or 'if you really cared, I wouldn't have to tell you'.

Feel free to delete this if it's too offensive.

[sweetip2000]

I have been single most of my life and its just the opposite for me. I have a hard time compromising with others in a relationship so therefore I never got married. I am used to being alone. Its up to you what you want to do about your situation. I dont want to get hurt again as the last relationship I had was with a biker that stalked the girl I was dating
for 3 months, He held the mother and daughter hostage in their own condo. My windows smashed and tires slit on my 87 Jeep commanche pick up. I threw in the towel after this and never gave it another go.... I wont say i will never be in another realatinship again... you never know... I always try yo keep an open mind and let go of the ones who I resent.
BTW there are lots of married couples that are married for no other reason than co dependence. There is no love,
Its just a thing they do to be with someone else. For me that wont work. Keep yourself busy somehow and time will pass.
We all get consumed by the earth eventually so go out and do the things that make you happy. And btw if there any chix reading this in the new paltz ny area give me a shout. lol I have not given up yet !! Be well and keep riding,

[Dirtcrasher]

I'm really not sure if most women and a man see things very differently. I'm not sure if we are meant to be together.

I do not say that out of bitterness, just from what I have seen and read. However, as dad explained to me, they have the "stick of gold" and we get hooked, being best friends is just a lucky bonus.

Relationships are work. Lose your job, have a child act out ETC ETC, that shows our stripes. Will we hang in there for one another?? I'm not talking always, but the idea is to love one another and get thru the tough times. Many women that had it better before will bolt when things get tough because they have what we like and another man is an easy opportunity away. I think they just continue to bounce around until they are 100% secure.

I've hung in there for them, makes you resent them after a good period of time. But allot of these women just want a better deal. Thats the way life rolls these days........

This DOES NOT apply to all of us and Massachusetts has allot of snobby women.

[Tomcall]

I'm impressed with the amount of wisdom, understanding and insight the members on this site have.

[Howdy]

I have been married and I got divorced. I have been in a couple relationships since. Women say they want a nice guy but when treated like a Princess they run away. Then they get a guy that treats them like crap they stay and complain about it. I refuse to change who I am so I will probably be single forever.

[honda atc guy]

...... Women say they want a nice guy but when treated like a Princess they run away. Then they get a guy that treats them like crap they stay and complain about it.....

Isn't that the truth. I've never been able to figure it out. :wondering

[whyzee]

Hey guys. Thanks for thinking about me. We are doing ok. Not putting in the work required , instead being a little too selfish , was the basis of my problem. Too many trips to the motocross track while I was letting things slide at home. Took me awhile to figure it out and I am still learning but it feels good to be able to try and give everything possible to my girls and take care of the wife like she deserves. It's simply just not all about me anymore and I am OK with that. Took a while to figure that out.
Thanks guys!

[brd812]

Glad to hear it. It's another win for the family.

[yamaha225dr]

Glad to hear it. It's another win for the family.

Agreed! Most people just give up and call it quits now. A lot of marriages can be saved if both sides try equally to make the relationship last. My wife and I have been married four years and have 3 girls together, we have problems just like everyone else but manage to get through the hurdles. Good luck OP!

[badass350x]

Called me scrap......so i kissed her upside the cranium with my aluminum bat...... my name is mud !.......and i better get her in the ground before she starts to smell ! 38 yrs same female.......she so lucky i let her live !


Wow... Wtf is that quote from? Guess I'm to freaking old to understand some of this sh-t now days!!!!

[MNhondaguy]

Wow... Wtf is that quote from? Guess I'm to freaking old to understand some of this sh-t now days!!!!

A song called "my name is mud" by primus. Quite unique if you ask me...