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r00sty
03-31-2005, 07:36 AM
ENJOY!!!!!!!!



Annual Nymphomaniac Convention In Chicago


A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his... Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really, " he said, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."

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Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer...

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said: "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

LonesomeTriZ
03-31-2005, 08:08 AM
It looks as though somebody woke up in a good mood this morning.

TravEX
03-31-2005, 08:53 AM
LOL!!! Tonto!!! :Bounce

hedge1988
03-31-2005, 01:15 PM
lmao good one man

ATC crazy
03-31-2005, 03:10 PM
Bahahahaha!!! I love that last one!

Oldshell4481
03-31-2005, 04:16 PM
lol thats great..

Maine_Triker
03-31-2005, 07:16 PM
LMAO!!!! that's frikkin hilarious, love the last one.

erectordale
03-31-2005, 10:02 PM
lmao thats great hmm tonto