Billy Golightly
11-07-2005, 02:07 PM
Good thing all days arent like this:
So I get back here to house this morning from a normal run of chores and things to do in town. One of them was stopping at the store and picking up some milk, eggs, ect. After getting home, I get out and open up the back door to my truck to get the stuff out, only to find a half empty milk jug on its side laying on the floor next to where the door is. :mad: :mad: :mad: The strange thing is though, that there wasn't but 2 little puddles of milk sitting on the floor, I didn't notice this at first though. So I grabbed the roll of paper towels I keep in my truck and, as soon as I put myhand on the floor I knew where all the rest of the milk was, underneath the vinyl flooring completely soaked up in the padding that sits on the bottom of the truck cab :mad: :mad: :mad: So I rip up one corner of the flooring only to find that it has ran from the very back part of the cab, half way over to the passengers side, and all the way up to the front. SO! Now, I have to go over to the shop and get the torx set of sockets and a ratchet. I get back over to the truck and get the seat unbolted, I picked up the seat and start pulling it out of the truck, but theres a freakin 4 wire plug connected to it (For what I dont know, I dont have any electric seat adjusters or anything) so here I'm half way out of the the truck with the seat taking up the whole space between it the door jam. I pick up the seat up, set it more or less on the back of my shoulders and crawl underneath of it in what must be total darkness because now I cant find the freaking connector to unplug. After feeling around with my arms and hands underneath of it like blind person looking for their cane, I finally find the plug. Getting it unhooked however is ANOTHER thing! I push, pull, tug, yank, scream obscenities at it that are yet to be recorded by the known world, all while smearing myself around in milk that had evidently ran under the seat I did not see before and I finally get it unhooked. I pick the seat back up off of me, and crawl out from under it. I carry it outside and sit to down on the grass in the yard. No sooner do I set it down, and turn around a dog comes by and pisses on it :mad: :mad: I scream at the dog at the top of my lungs and have myself personally convinced I'm going to pick him up and throw him in to the next zipcode, but lucky for him he's faster then I am. After a short sprint around the yard chasing the pissing dog screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms around like the madman I am I return to the truck and wipe down the seat with more paper towels to remove dog piss, not milk. I'm down to about a half roll now. I gently pickup the seat, and toss the fucker right into the back of my truck where part of the bracketry makes a nice clang with the gooseneck ball that extends about 4 inches up out of the floor of the bed.
Now I unbolt the seatbelt mount which amazinly comes apart rather easily. Next, I grab the floor covering and rip it about half way up. The milk has totally saturated itself into foam on the underside and no amount of clearning or squeezing is ever going to get it out good enough where I wont have a rotten milk smell in my truck from then on. So, what do I do? I take my knife and start cutting, and cutting, and cutting. By the time I'm done theres about another quart of milk squeezed out of the foam and from the drivers side back door, to the drivers side front door, about half way over to the middle of the floor where the shifter is at has been cut out and thrown in the back of my truck. Next, I start whiping with paper towels. I keep whiping till the whole roll is gone. Problem is theres alot of milk left down in the nooks and crannies the paper towels cannot get to, particularly around the weather stripping. So, I march off over to the shop and grab an extension cord and the shop vac. About halfway back to the house where my truck is at with the an extension cord on my shoulder, and me dragging the shop vav across the yard, the MFing vaccume hose twists itself right in half :mad: mad: I'm so pissed right now that I could probably single handly whipe out an entire countries population and still be waiting for more. I go to the truck and drop off the extension cord, head back to the shop vac and pick up and carry it the rest of the way to the truck along with the hose. After that I go inside and search for a roll of duct tape to temporarily hook the hose back onto the vaccume. After doing some searching it does not appear there is anything left other then the very last part of a roll that has maybe 2 inches on it, max. So I take what I can and stratigecly place some zip ties and saran wrap around it in an attempt to seal it, where hopefully it will work long enough to suck all this milk out of my truck before buzzards start circeling for the rotten smell.
The vaccume does indeed work, although it makes an ear peircing and incredibly annoying high pitched whistle noise that is sure to have mandated hearing protection if this were a commercial application. After sucking up most all of the milk I could, and of course also sucking up atleast 4-5 dollars in change laying on the floor that I was trying to avoid. I finish up with the shop vac, and return to the house for some more paper towels and some baking soda to neutralize the smell. Went to the pantry and got the papertowels, no problem. Next up I went to one of the drawers in the kitchen where I beleived the baking soda is. Now, before I go any further, everyone has one of these drawers in a cabinet. You know the one, its got atleast 150lbs worth of can goods you'll never eat in it, its fell out of the track atleast twice before smashing your hand and anything else that was in the way of it in the bottom, the kind of drawer your afraid to look at, much less pull out and rummage through it. Guess what? This very same drawer is what my baking soda was in. And, if the events of earlier today are any indication of what is about to happen next....yes friends, you guessed it! The drawer fell off the track as soon as I tried to pull it out. The good news is I was almost half way expecting this and was able to remove my hand before I had 4 fingers and a thumb amputated without my consent. The bad news however is now I have to totally unload this drawer full of canned goods, find the baking soda, try to put the drawer back on track, AND load all this **** back into the drawer without it falling off track again! After unloading all the contents of the drawer and putting it back on track, I carefully put the canned goods back into the drawer one at a time with the drawer already closed. Not taking any chances of upsetting the kitchen drawer gods that control whether that beast stays on track or falls a foot straight down with the power and weight to crush a fullsized car.
Now that is all taken care of I grab my baking soda and head back to the truck. I put the baking soda down in massive quanities, almost a half inch thick wherever milk had been standing before. I then pull the floor covering back into posistion, and put all my flashing around the edges and corners back into posistion. Next up I went back outside of the truck and grabbed my seat, and walked back to the drivers side door to put it in. Lets go back just a minute though, remember the shop vac? Do you remember me mentioning that I moved it out of the way? No? Thats because I didn't, and I tripped over it while I was trying to carry the driver seat over to put it in the truck. I start to fall, push the seat out away from me and watch it do about 4 flips in the yard, and I land face down in the dirt at almost the exact same spot where the dog had pissed on the seat earlier. After briefly laying there a few seconds pondering what I must have done to deserve exactly nine tons of **** hitting the fan at one time, I realised that the seat was sitting in the yard again and the dog was still around. I jumped up and ran over to it, luckily the dog had either not spotted the seat yet in his line of vision or I had scared him enough earlier he knew not to try it again. I picked the seat back up again for the 3rd time and wrestled it into the posistion in the truck. The 4 wired plug that gave me problems earlier mashed right together this time with a distinctive snap noise that almost irritated me because it was so easy. And, I actually was able to bolt the seat AND the seatbelt bracket back onto the floor without any problems. I have yet to crank the truck and make sure it still runs though....
So I get back here to house this morning from a normal run of chores and things to do in town. One of them was stopping at the store and picking up some milk, eggs, ect. After getting home, I get out and open up the back door to my truck to get the stuff out, only to find a half empty milk jug on its side laying on the floor next to where the door is. :mad: :mad: :mad: The strange thing is though, that there wasn't but 2 little puddles of milk sitting on the floor, I didn't notice this at first though. So I grabbed the roll of paper towels I keep in my truck and, as soon as I put myhand on the floor I knew where all the rest of the milk was, underneath the vinyl flooring completely soaked up in the padding that sits on the bottom of the truck cab :mad: :mad: :mad: So I rip up one corner of the flooring only to find that it has ran from the very back part of the cab, half way over to the passengers side, and all the way up to the front. SO! Now, I have to go over to the shop and get the torx set of sockets and a ratchet. I get back over to the truck and get the seat unbolted, I picked up the seat and start pulling it out of the truck, but theres a freakin 4 wire plug connected to it (For what I dont know, I dont have any electric seat adjusters or anything) so here I'm half way out of the the truck with the seat taking up the whole space between it the door jam. I pick up the seat up, set it more or less on the back of my shoulders and crawl underneath of it in what must be total darkness because now I cant find the freaking connector to unplug. After feeling around with my arms and hands underneath of it like blind person looking for their cane, I finally find the plug. Getting it unhooked however is ANOTHER thing! I push, pull, tug, yank, scream obscenities at it that are yet to be recorded by the known world, all while smearing myself around in milk that had evidently ran under the seat I did not see before and I finally get it unhooked. I pick the seat back up off of me, and crawl out from under it. I carry it outside and sit to down on the grass in the yard. No sooner do I set it down, and turn around a dog comes by and pisses on it :mad: :mad: I scream at the dog at the top of my lungs and have myself personally convinced I'm going to pick him up and throw him in to the next zipcode, but lucky for him he's faster then I am. After a short sprint around the yard chasing the pissing dog screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms around like the madman I am I return to the truck and wipe down the seat with more paper towels to remove dog piss, not milk. I'm down to about a half roll now. I gently pickup the seat, and toss the fucker right into the back of my truck where part of the bracketry makes a nice clang with the gooseneck ball that extends about 4 inches up out of the floor of the bed.
Now I unbolt the seatbelt mount which amazinly comes apart rather easily. Next, I grab the floor covering and rip it about half way up. The milk has totally saturated itself into foam on the underside and no amount of clearning or squeezing is ever going to get it out good enough where I wont have a rotten milk smell in my truck from then on. So, what do I do? I take my knife and start cutting, and cutting, and cutting. By the time I'm done theres about another quart of milk squeezed out of the foam and from the drivers side back door, to the drivers side front door, about half way over to the middle of the floor where the shifter is at has been cut out and thrown in the back of my truck. Next, I start whiping with paper towels. I keep whiping till the whole roll is gone. Problem is theres alot of milk left down in the nooks and crannies the paper towels cannot get to, particularly around the weather stripping. So, I march off over to the shop and grab an extension cord and the shop vac. About halfway back to the house where my truck is at with the an extension cord on my shoulder, and me dragging the shop vav across the yard, the MFing vaccume hose twists itself right in half :mad: mad: I'm so pissed right now that I could probably single handly whipe out an entire countries population and still be waiting for more. I go to the truck and drop off the extension cord, head back to the shop vac and pick up and carry it the rest of the way to the truck along with the hose. After that I go inside and search for a roll of duct tape to temporarily hook the hose back onto the vaccume. After doing some searching it does not appear there is anything left other then the very last part of a roll that has maybe 2 inches on it, max. So I take what I can and stratigecly place some zip ties and saran wrap around it in an attempt to seal it, where hopefully it will work long enough to suck all this milk out of my truck before buzzards start circeling for the rotten smell.
The vaccume does indeed work, although it makes an ear peircing and incredibly annoying high pitched whistle noise that is sure to have mandated hearing protection if this were a commercial application. After sucking up most all of the milk I could, and of course also sucking up atleast 4-5 dollars in change laying on the floor that I was trying to avoid. I finish up with the shop vac, and return to the house for some more paper towels and some baking soda to neutralize the smell. Went to the pantry and got the papertowels, no problem. Next up I went to one of the drawers in the kitchen where I beleived the baking soda is. Now, before I go any further, everyone has one of these drawers in a cabinet. You know the one, its got atleast 150lbs worth of can goods you'll never eat in it, its fell out of the track atleast twice before smashing your hand and anything else that was in the way of it in the bottom, the kind of drawer your afraid to look at, much less pull out and rummage through it. Guess what? This very same drawer is what my baking soda was in. And, if the events of earlier today are any indication of what is about to happen next....yes friends, you guessed it! The drawer fell off the track as soon as I tried to pull it out. The good news is I was almost half way expecting this and was able to remove my hand before I had 4 fingers and a thumb amputated without my consent. The bad news however is now I have to totally unload this drawer full of canned goods, find the baking soda, try to put the drawer back on track, AND load all this **** back into the drawer without it falling off track again! After unloading all the contents of the drawer and putting it back on track, I carefully put the canned goods back into the drawer one at a time with the drawer already closed. Not taking any chances of upsetting the kitchen drawer gods that control whether that beast stays on track or falls a foot straight down with the power and weight to crush a fullsized car.
Now that is all taken care of I grab my baking soda and head back to the truck. I put the baking soda down in massive quanities, almost a half inch thick wherever milk had been standing before. I then pull the floor covering back into posistion, and put all my flashing around the edges and corners back into posistion. Next up I went back outside of the truck and grabbed my seat, and walked back to the drivers side door to put it in. Lets go back just a minute though, remember the shop vac? Do you remember me mentioning that I moved it out of the way? No? Thats because I didn't, and I tripped over it while I was trying to carry the driver seat over to put it in the truck. I start to fall, push the seat out away from me and watch it do about 4 flips in the yard, and I land face down in the dirt at almost the exact same spot where the dog had pissed on the seat earlier. After briefly laying there a few seconds pondering what I must have done to deserve exactly nine tons of **** hitting the fan at one time, I realised that the seat was sitting in the yard again and the dog was still around. I jumped up and ran over to it, luckily the dog had either not spotted the seat yet in his line of vision or I had scared him enough earlier he knew not to try it again. I picked the seat back up again for the 3rd time and wrestled it into the posistion in the truck. The 4 wired plug that gave me problems earlier mashed right together this time with a distinctive snap noise that almost irritated me because it was so easy. And, I actually was able to bolt the seat AND the seatbelt bracket back onto the floor without any problems. I have yet to crank the truck and make sure it still runs though....