Blonde jokes

[atcpunk107]

Thought these were funny

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that...
- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.&lt;&lt;< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!! :)~>>>
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put 'Sagittarius.'
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money. :bounce
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she
turned around and went home. :D

(edited by Wickedfinger)

[NOS_350X]

why do blonds have to have Y shaped coffins??


when they are layed on there back they naturaly spread there leegs

[NebraskaTrikeRider]

lol those are some good ones :D

[Lots_Of_Nothing]

how do you drownd a blonde?
-put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool

why did a blonde jump off a cliff?
-she thought her maxi-pad had wings



just a couple for now, i will post some more later, dont feel like typing them right now

[MountainRider]

Why do blonde women have bruises around their belly-buttons?......Blonde men are stupid too.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain......Gifted

How does a blonde turn on the light after having sex......She kicks the car door open

What goes Vrooom-Screeeetch, Vrooom-Screeetch......A blonde trying to go through a flashing red light

[Joel85350X]

A blonde, and smart blonde, and Santa Clause all jumped off of a very tall building together.

Which one hit the ground first?

None of them ever hit the ground.

There is no such thing as Santa Clause.
There is no such thing as a smart blonde.
The blonde had to stop and ask directions, but even after that she was so full of hot air that she drifted away.



Two blondes walked into a bar, but the brunette ducked.

[ATC crazy]

There was this one blonde at home, putting a puzzle together. She was having a real hard time with it so she called her boyfriend up and says, "Sweetie, i am putting a puzzle together and it's the hardest one I've ever. I need help."
Her boyfriend says, "Well can' this wait until I get home?"
She starts crying.
He says, "Well what is the puzzle of?"
She says, "By the look on the box it's a tiger."
He says, "Alright, I'll be home in 15 min." So he shows up at the house and walks in the door.
He takes one look at his girlfriend and says, "O.K. sweetie, this is what I want you to do. I want you to make yourself a cup of decaf coffee, take a nice warm, relaxing bath, and put the dam box of Frosted Flakes down.

One Day the blond walks in to the doctors office and said "Doctor, i burnt both of my ears."
the doctor says "Well sitdown and tell me how it all happened?"
She says "Well i was ironing my clothes when the phone rang, instead of picking up the phone i picked up the iron."
The Doctor said "well that explains one ear what happend to the other?"
the blond says "The Jerk called back."

Why did the blonde go to the roof?
Because she was told the drinks were on the house!

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
The joystick is wet.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.


Thats all...for now ;)

[Wickedfinger]

My favorite blonde joke: This blonde is walking in the woods near a stream. Pretty soon she comes across another blonde on the other side of the stream and promply asks her "How do you get over to the other side?". The opposite blonde answers her back "You ARE on the other side".

[md1985250r]

one blonde driving along ,sees another blonde sitting in a row boat,in the grass,rowing..the blonde driving stops the car and yells to the other blonde..."its blondes like you that give us blondes a bad name....and if i could swim, i would come out there and kick your trailprotrailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro!!! :D

[ATC crazy]

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
Cause you have to hollow out it's head!

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."

A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!"

[plkmonster2]

a blonde returns a donut cause it has a hole....
how do blondes brain cells die? alone
when do they have 2 brain cells? when pregnant

my favorite

a blonde calls the mechanic because she has a few denst in her car that she wants to get out. the mechanic tells her to blow into the tailpipe. when she gets home, she tries it, but it doesn't work. then her blonde friend come by and says, you have to roll the windows up!

[olderthandirt]

:-D a blonde, a redhead and a brunette,decide to rob a bank.
they go into the bank, rob it then run down an alley, a cop is told that they are in the alley.
the redhead decides they should hide in these large vegetable sacks.
all is well,till the cop takes his night stick and touches the first bag,the redhead makes a meow noise,the cop touches the next bag and the brunette makes a woof woof sound,he proceeds to the third bag and touches it the blonde cries out potatoe. :shock:

[plkmonster2]

dirt, i love that one! i forgot about it..... potato! lol

[Coty]

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE'S PANTIES????

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

:arrow: ANKLE WARMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Coty]

there is a guy driving down the road and he looks over and there he sees a blonde in a corn field in a row boat. Well the guy pulls over full of anger, and says "you know its you blondes that get us made fun of, and if i could, i would swim out there and get you myself."

[Joel85350X]

Coty, that was almost as good as the first time. :rolleyes:

[ATC crazy]

LMAO

There was this ventriloquist that does shows at small gigs. One night he was starting his show by saying blonde jokes, after awhile a blonde woman stands up and shouts "allright I had enough of you discriminating females with blonde hair, a girls IQ has nothing to do with a girls hair color. Because of people like you, I cant get the respect that I deserve around my work, community, parties and just everywhere I go. So the ventriloquist gets embarresed. So he puts his head down and starts apologizing. The blonde interrupts him and says " oh no mister i wasnt talking to you i was talking to the doll on your knee"

There is a blonde, a brunett, and a red head. they are hiking a long a trail and come up on this guy who is a regualar there and he says to them if u go to the magic mountain and jump off of it and while you are in the air , you say what ever u want or want to be it will instantly come true.
so they go to the magic mountain and the brunett say , well i will try it so she jumps off and yells BIRD!!! and poof she becomes a bird,
so the red head says if it worked for her it will work for me so she jumps off and in the air yells CAT!!! and poof she becomes a cat and runs down,
so the blonde says if it worked for them it will work for me , so she starts running and right before she jumps and trips on a rock and falls over the side and yells SH-IT! and poof , she hits the mountain and splats all over the side of it.

[TrikeKid]

:D :D :D :D thats a good one

[ATC crazy]

How do you get a blonde to cross a major Interstate?

Tell her that the chicken did it 5 minutes ago

[Russell 350X]

O jeez guys, those were good. Heres a few:

There is a blonde, a brunette, and a red head in the 3rd grade fighting about who has the biggest boobs. And of course its the blonde....because she's 18!!!

One sunny day a Russian, an American and a blonde are walking down the street. They were talking and getting to know eachother and they started talking about history. The Russians chest swells up and he says proudly "We were the first to land on Mars!"
The American says "We were the first to land on the moon!" The blonde's chest puffs up the most and she says "Yeah, I bet you can't beat this, we're going to be the first to land on the sun!" The Russian and the American look at eachother and chuckle then the Russian says to the blonde "Your joking right? You think that you can do that? You'll burn if you get anywhere near it!" The blonde starts laughing and says "HELLO!!! WE'RE GOING AT NIGHT!!!!"

One day, three moms got together ( a blonde mom, a brunette and a red head), and were looking in their daughter's purses. The brunette looks in her daughter's purse and found cigarettes. To this she exclaimed: "Oh my god! I didn't know my daughter smoked!" Then the red head looks in her daughter's purse and finds alcohol. To which she yells "Oh my god! I didn't know my daughter drank! She's only 15!"
Then the blonde mom looks in her daughter's purse and finds a condom to which she says, suprised, "Oh my god! I didn't know my daughter had a penis!"


I'll put some more up later....

[Banage]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's
a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets
him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be
able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed......... ....... "Let's put all
the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."