Little Johnny [Archive] - 3WHeeLeR WoRLD

300rman

11-17-2008, 12:07 AM

little johnny and his dad walk into class, and the dad takes the teacher aside and says to her :watch it, johnny has a gambling problem. teacher says she will cure that.

shortly after dad leaves, johnny says HEY TEACH ill bet 10 bucks you got a mole on your ass. teacher says I DO NOT! he continues to say this all day, and when lunchtime came, she took johnny into the teacher's lounge and pulled her pants down for johnny to inspect. after a minute or so, he says, nope, no mole, and paid her the ten bucks.
When dad picked him up, he asks the teacher: how did he do?"
teacher replies, well, he bet me ten bucks i had a mole on my ass. i proved him wrong, and took his money, so he learned a lesson.
dad replies: DAMMIT the little *Edited**Edited**Edited**Edited* bet e 50 bucks he would see the teachers ass by the end of the day!

johnny is pushin a lawn mower down the road. priest is riding is bike. they meet, and priest asks johnny if he wants to trade. so after they trade, priest asks him how to start it, after pulling the rope a few times.
johnny replies: you gotta swear at it!
priest replies: i havent sworn in so long, i dont think i remember how.
Johnny replies: just keep pullin that rope, it will all come back to you.

johnny gets this new chair, and all he does after school is sit in it.
one day, is dad comes home and Johnny is laying on his bed. dad asks him what is wrong. Johnny replies: i dd something bad today. i had sex with the teacher.
to which the dad replies: thats good son! and to which, johnny replies: no dad, my ass still hurts!

a man notices johnny has his wagon tied to a dog. upon closer inspection, johnny has the rope tied to the dog's balls. He tells johnny that the dog will pull im faster if he ties the rope around his neck. Johnny replies: yeah, but then i wouldnt have a siren!

Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, "So why do you have so much hair?

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says, "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks "is it a giraffe?"
"Very good Sally," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says, "It's a zebra."
"Very good Billy," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."
Little Johnny shouts out, "Is it a horny *Edited**Edited**Edited**Edited**Edited**Edited**E dited*?

Little Johnny is delivering newspapers. He knocks on a door, a lady answers, and he says, "Collect... that'll be five dollars."
She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but if you want, I'll give you sex instead."
Little Johnny says, "All right."
He walks in, she undoes his pants, pulls them down, and there's the biggest pecker she's ever seen. Johnny reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of huge washers, and starts sliding them onto his pecker.
She says, "You don't have to do that. I can take all of it."
He says, "Not for five bucks you can't!"

A guy's walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, "Hey kid, you're too young to smoke."
Johnny looks up but says nothing.
"How old are you?"
"Six," Johnny says.
"Six? When did you start smoking?"
"Right after the first time I got laid."
"Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?"
Johnny says, "I don't remember, I was drunk."

Little Johnny walks into his mother's room and catches her topless. "Mommy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts.
"Well Johnny," she says, these are balloons and when you die they inflate and float you up to heaven." Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.
Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!"
"Little Johnny what do you mean?" says his mother.
"Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her balloons are out. Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling, "God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!!"

A Teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious." Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Johnny jumps up and says, "Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious." (cunt-ages)

Little Johnny goes by his parents room and sees them having sex, and he asked his father what they were doing and the father said they were playing poker and his mother was his "Wild Card". Johnny said ok and left.
The next weekend he is at his grandparents home and he sees his grandfather doing it to his grandmother and again little Johnny asked what he was doing. The grandfather said he was playing poker and his grandmother was his "Wild Card". Little Johnny said ok and left.
About two weeks after that, Johnny's dad goes by the bathroom and he hears Johnny in there he opens the door and sees Johnny masturbating. When he asked him what he was doing Johnny said he was playing poker. When his dad asked him where his "Wild Card" was, Johnny said, "With a hand like this you don't need a "Wild Card".

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came...Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said Johnny, "But this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, me, me!"
The teacher says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."
The teacher smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Johnny says, "No, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about a wank

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day when the teacher said, "Class, today I am going to teach you about Custer's Last Stand. For your homework tonight I want you to depict with a drawing the lesson I am about to give." So the teacher goes on to relate the story of Custer's Last Stand.
That evening at home, Little Johnny is stumped by his assignment. But all of a sudden, a light goes off in his head and he begins to draw his assignment. He is so inspired that he is convinced that he will get an "A" for the project.
The next day Little Johnny hands in his assignment and the teacher looks at it. Little Johnny had drawn a picture of a cow its head surrounded by a halo standing there praying and around the cow there were lots of Indian couples having sex.
The teacher was mortified. "Little Johnny! What is this!? I never talked about any of this yesterday!"
Little Johnny then said, "But weren't Custer's last words "Holy Cow!! Look at all those *Edited**Edited**Edited**Edited**Edited**Edited**E dited* Indians!

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'"
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Again, that was good, Sally, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'"
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could vulgarize the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny stood by the side of his desk and said with a smile, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big, she can only fasten 8."

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. She told the class, "I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Jenny, who promptly answered, "An apple."
The teacher answered, "No Jenny, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny was hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skipped him again and called on Billy. "Is it a peach?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like you're thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now, Johnny was about to explode as he waved his hand frantically. The teacher skipped him again and called on Sally. "A banana," she said.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny was kind of irritated now, so he spoke up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cried. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answered Johnny. "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"