Ripped off, ignored, used, stolen from, abused - your THOUGHTS??

[Dirtcrasher]

The older I get, the tougher it seems to meet and maintain good friends. I wonder if I'm some sucker or just too available.

I'll give some examples without specifics and or gender:

A close friend who took me to TF08 owed my father over 1K for an apartment I got this person when they promise me "I'll pay the rent". I didn't learn until much later that this person moved out without even telling my father. I continued to fix there trike (for free) and they took me to TF but I knew that would be the end of it. I asked this person numerous times to PLEASE call my father and pay him 20$ a week or whatever and all would be well. ALL I ASKED FOR WAS SOME SMALL EFFORT!! Instead I got lied to, nothing was ever paid and I lost this person as a riding buddy.

I worked with a person that called me and told me "I have cancer". I cared about this person and had allot of empathy for them. They called me to borrow a "couple thousand" which I said - "hey, I can help you out with some of that" and got promises to be repaid in 4 days. 4 weeks later, I barely got a phone call and when I got an answer I got "I'm sorry, I'll be over Saturday with 400$" 3 TIMES!! etc etc yet I never got a dime back.

Last and most recent was yet another person I cared for and would do anything for and I shared the cost of something with that person and also paid a medical bill for them. When I asked for some of it back, the person attacked me AS IF I were an A hole for asking for it. Of course the previously "repayment" period was long gone but I'M THE BAD GUY!!

The worst part is that these were not CASUAL FRIENDS. These were people I trusted, cared for and would go out of my way to help them. I'm no bank, I'm as broke as the rest of us and I wonder how people can live with themselves??

Of course you can say " obviously they were not good friends and your certainly a bad judge of character" which may or may not be entirely true. But I'll tell ya, it hurts and it makes me feel stupid and ignorant....... I've met trike buds that are some of the most generous people I could ask for and I'm so glad to meet them but I don't think the amount of tires on your all terrain vehicle mean anything about you as a person :lol:

I just wonder: Could you sleep at night not acknowledging a debt? Could you owe someone money and be angry with them when they asked for it? Could you let someone spend 200$ in gas and hand them 20$ thinking that was a good contribution without an explanation??

Whats wrong with people? Or should we all simply trust no one, help no one and have no faith in anyone?? It's bad enough that people throw away a marriage but even on a friendship level, people toss you aside after they get what they want.....

Is there ANYWHERE we can live where people have the fundamental values of being a good and decent person?

I guess it all just caught up with me today :(

[KASEY]

I have several times been in your shoes!!! the only thing that makes it worse is when its family,,,, i have just decieded if i can help out someone i try to think of it as a GIFT ,,, thats the only way i can still do it,,, because it eats you up inside when good friends take advantage of your kind heart ,,, makes it hard to keep them as friends . THE way i see it though,,, there are fewer and fewer kind hearted people left and when you meet one you really know it,, so don't give up on people sometimes they really suprise you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Macs]

never do any buisnuiss with family or friends if you want to keep them around. If they ask for a loan, give them the money. Dont loan it. If you cant afford to give it to them then you cant afford to loan it either. I am not a bank so i do not loan money to anyone. If you are in a pinch, i will give you the money or you will sale me something.

I also will not let anyone i know rent any property. you are just asking for trouble.

[Cert88]

Theres good people and bad people everywhere... I lost a couple good friends over dumb things...only one of them was about money though....and I only lost about $120.....but like you said...if they would just try to pay it back..alittle effort...everyone can afford a couple bucks a weeks, and it would add up.

I feel ya man....ya wanna be nice, but ya dont wanna be takin advantage of all the time.

Just think...its there loss...not yours.....there the person not gonna have anyone to turn to next time they need help.

Keep your head high, i read alot on this site, just dont post much..and you seem like an outstanding guy......theres plenty of good people out there but hard to tell who they are till its too late.

[racerxxx]

DC,

Sorry to hear about your misfortune with your friends. I have sort of made it a "policy" not to lend friends money--I have see it with some of my own buddies, but they manage to pay each other off, but I hear about it from the guys who loan it out and gripe about the slow payback time. I'd do anything for any one of my buddies, mabey even go close enough to die for them. But cash is where I draw the line in the sand! I don't want to lose a great friend over some stupid bank notes. I know it sounds kinda sh!tty, but I'd rather spend hours of my personal time to help out or what ever. When ever I needed cash I always scrounged, sold, worked for it, or went to the bank, but never asked a friend, just because I didn't want to risk losing a friendship.

[4Q2]

Ya that sucks man, I agree with kasey when he says consider what your doing a favor.. dont over extend yourself unless its something your willing to lose cus most likely you wont get back the effort you put in. Like they say " no good deed goes unpunished " Im a firm believer in that one. I too have been in your shoes way too often.

I think the reason its mostly freinds or family you get screwed by, is because these are the people close to you. People you would do a favor for You wouldnt let a stranger borrow money so most likely you wont get ripped by them. People that rob your house are usualy people that have already been in your house and know what you have and where it is, and when your not home.

I know a person that asked to borrow my father in laws truck to " move something "
we later found out that he used the truck to drive back to our job site and steel our bending brake, sold it, then returned the truck,,, now thats ballsy and stupid

P.S. hey DC, you got a little $ I can borrow, not much just a few hundred,, ill pay ya back next week,,, promise :D

[dcreel]

These days money is King. Values, beliefs, trust, friendship, and responsibility all take a back seat to the all mighty dollar. I have been burned by every adult I have given my trust to except for one, and I married her.

Trust is hard to come by these days, and even harder to give away. I believe in old fashioned hand shake values and beliefs. If I tell you it is so, it is so.

I learned a saying a long time ago, and it has stuck with me.

"Believe nothing you hear, and half of what you see."

Things are getting worse these days with the anti parenting way of parenting. The parents do less and less in a childs upbringing these days. They grow up watching cribs, and these idiotic reality shows. Children raised by schools and the tv. Children need to learn the worth of the dollar, and how hard you have to work to earn one.. and how little it will get you these days..

[outtaline]

Hey DC,
Mabye you should be like me, your too nice of a guy try being more of an @$$hole and not caring as much I got screwed pretty good a couple of years back. Now I don't do anything for free unless its fun or gonna benefit me in someway. Three things you don't loan out tools, girls,and money. Learned it the hardway lost abike and a house over it. Sorry about your bad luck didn't know you had feelings. J/K

[fabiodriven]

I tells ya, DC- I pretty much walk around under the assumption that everyone is a piece of crap (that goes back to the conversation we had while riding last weekend, but I digress). And yes, Kasey is completely correct about considering things gifts because I do the same thing. If I lend my neighbor a rake, I am secretly kissing it goodbye in my head.

I lent my buddy $2500 five years ago pretty much the day I returned from a combat zone so he could go to school. He'd toss me $100 here and $200 there, he probly ended up giving me maybe $800 to $1000 back total over five years. He doesn't make much money and I'm not rich but I can get by without it. One day he had a kid and I told him to "fahgettaboutit". He could use the money alot more than I could (I think 8 Tecate gas tanks, 2 or three spare motors and a few frames is getting close to enough). I was never mad at the guy, he tried but just doesn't make a ton of dough. I'm not sure what the point of that story was because your situations suck alot more- let's try this again.

Another way to look at is Karma (SP?). I'm not a religious guy at all, but everybody knows what goes around comes around. One day last year some teenage kid's car died in front of my house. I just happened to be out there with my chainsaw cutting some wood. Even though I was really busy and up to my arse in logs I went over to help the hapless punk. It was pretty obvious that he had run out of gas. So, I bring over my little two gallon jug of gas, put it in his tank, and I told him he better be back in five minutes to replace my gas. Do you think he showed up? No, of course not. This is why teenagers cannot be trusted. They have no respect for anyone or anything and if we were in the desert they would have learned their lesson a long time ago. Now, if that little punk happens to leave his car on the side of the road one night (late 90's chrysler convertable, dark green with a tan top) maybe a stray deuce and a half might come by and give it a little wallop. I dunno? But that's karma.

When I was 21 I drove my 1970 F-100 pickup all the way to Missouri for truck driver school. I made a real close (or so I thought) friend with this guy I met there. We used to hang out all the time. Well, one day the s**t hit the fan and I had to go home temporarily. I had to take a bus home because I spent all my money on the way down (no, I didn't ask my parents for money because I never have and never will). While at home I get a call from my buddy in Missouri telling me they're going to tow my truck because it's been sitting too long and it has out of state plates on it and he needs the title and keys to register it down there so it can be saved. So being the smart guy I am, I overnight the title and keys to him. Do I really need to finish this one? This is why I don't trust southern people. (joking)

Bottom line is DC, people, in general, JUST PLAIN SUCK. I have plenty of friends and I meet nice people every day in my line of work- but people will tell you one thing and do another thing and NOT EVEN BLINK AN EYE. I don't understand it myself. Like you said, you gotta wonder how these people sleep at night. I'll tell you how I do- IT WILL COME BACK TO THEM. I have seen it 100 times. Life is what you make of it and you reap what you sow. There is no way to go around all the time lying and stealing and get away with it.

My number one rule though- everyone is an a-hole. Sorry, I know I sound like an a-hole myself, but that just proves my theory:D .

[Erics350x]

I feel your pain brother :(

[Mad-V-maxr]

Sorry to hear about your troubles DC, I have to agree with most of what everyone has said so far. I use to help friends and family out all the time, quite a few times I've gotten took. Most memorable was for $500 to a guy with 4 or 5 hungry neglected kids. I just hope the kids got something to eat for while out of it. I use to have alot of friends when I was still partying and drinkin, funny thing is now that I've quit they dont come around. It dont bother me anymore, guess they really werent my freinds.

[cybrman]

Thanks for sharing that, takes a lot of guts to share personal experiences!
The world and its inhabitants are growing increasingly hostile! Values and Morals are the stuff of legend.
Need to start a trike commune! lol
Hope things get better, karma is bound to catch up and repay just keep doing what you know is right!

[Howdy]

DC, in the past 25-30 years I have donated ( loaned ) a lot to family and friends. I'm lucky because my friends are the ones that paid it back.
Howdy

[4Q2]

Forgot where the quote comes from but it goes something like this : " everyone is an A-hole until proven otherwise " ??

[harryredtrike]

tough break dc.that is the only way to know whos who.you have to lay it out and then find out how people are.fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me.its too bad the world works like that but it does.

[Mr.Atc]

that has happened to me where i never get money back for parts and working on people trikes so thats why i make them give me the money before i order anything

[Billy Golightly]

My number one rule though- everyone is an a-hole. Sorry, I know I sound like an a-hole myself, but that just proves my theory:D .


Thats pretty much my theory now a days. A-hole until proven otherwise.

[The Goat]

" I use to have alot of friends when I was still partying and drinkin, funny thing is now that I've quit they dont come around. It dont bother me anymore, guess they really werent my freinds."

I hear that... I used to have at least fiftypeople I could call in a pinch when I was out every night. As I slowed down, the friendship narrowed to about seven girls and two guys. Later realized what a piece of trailprotrailprotrailprotrailpro one of those guys was, and then with a girlfriend the female friends and I couldn't party as often. Now I have one friend, and all he's good for is to drink a beer with.

The only people I know I could still count on are the ones I knew since 1st grade, even though we don't ever talk, I know I could call at 4am and they would help. The others are "my girls". And only 1-2 would still do anything for me.

"friends" disappear... It happens. But some always come through, others never do.

I never lend anyone money anymore, I don't trust anyone, and I refuse to accept anything for free. Money comes and goes, and it's only real use is to help you divine the value of a person.

I've given thousands to a friend in the past, just buying little things here and there, lost count and stopped somewhere around 15k... I may have gotten a few hundred back. I've only lent money to one of my girls who was living with me, I was in love I thought, so I trusted her enough to lend her 500 bucks. She paid 450 back a few days later, and two years later I reminded her of the fifty.

But both of those people I have called in over a year, and I know that in a pinch they would be there.

Steve my own mother will decide to come to my house sometimes to clean it (which I hate), but any cash lying in open sight is gone. And there's always money lying by the bathroom sink or nighstand, just 20 bucks or so in small bills, but it irritates me to all hell.

I trust NO one for the most part, the few that deserve trust will understand why they will never be trusted or why it will take years.

[Dirtcrasher]

Thanks to everyone for listening and sharing.

I guess it just gets very frustrating sometimes. You want to be a good guy, you want to help people but then you do and wonder why ya did..........

Helping someone out with there trike is one thing. But lending money out with clear terms of repayment not being honored is just plain theft.

Probably the reason I'm good with my hands is I'm a "thinker", the wheels are constantly turning. This however is a double edged sword and I cannot STOP thinking :lol: If I owed anyone anything or did them wrong, my conscious would eat me alive until I righted it.

I really hope people get whats coming to them. Sometimes I look at the people that have burned me and I realize that they've already got it........

[Daddio]

DC a few years back I was feeling like you are now and a very wise man told me that "no good deed goes unpunished". Hang in there. These are tough times that we are in right now. Sometimes good people do things in desperation during tough times that they wouldn't ordinarily do. There are still some good people out there. I have noticed that most of the truly good people that I have known over the years tend to keep a low profile.

[Banage]

never do any buisnuiss with family or friends if you want to keep them around. If they ask for a loan, give them the money. Dont loan it. If you cant afford to give it to them then you cant afford to loan it either. I am not a bank so i do not loan money to anyone. If you are in a pinch, i will give you the money or you will sale me something.

I also will not let anyone i know rent any property. you are just asking for trouble.

you took the words right out of my mouth. Money changes people. normally.... for the worse

[Gag_Halfront]

I don't think the amount of tires on your all terrain vehicle mean anything about you as a person
I'm not so sure about that. I tend to think it means more than you'd imagine.

To answer one of your questions, yes. There are people who it bothers very much to be in debt. I'm in debt to a member here because my daughter wrecked his quad. I think about it all the time. I used to also be in debt to this same member because life got in the way of making good on a deal. I paid that back about six months later than I'd intended and it bothered me the whole time.

[Thorpe]

Just makes you hope Kharma is a real thing, and someday, someone will get one over on them, maybe make them think about the way they gave you the shaft...

[Dirtcrasher]

^ Truth is that the guy with cancer , it went into remission. Then a court case that lingered over him for years caught up with him and he got 7-10 years :D When he left for prison, his wife sold every single asset and tools of his trade he had for pennies on the dollar.

In his case, he got his KARMA and when he gets out it will be years to get back on his feet.

[DixiePlowboy]

Money comes and goes, and it's only real use is to help you divine the value of a person.
.

There's a lot of truth to that statement for me.

I have been taken a few times(more than I care to count), but I don't allow myself to become as cynical as most people seem to. There ARE good people out there that believe in fair play and an honest deal.

I have seemingly allowed a few people to get away with burning me a bit......but just once each. If if I get a little burned over a little money, I consider the lost money the price of a lesson learned.

It's worth a few bucks to know what a man(or woman) is made of so that I can know the good from the bad, the honest from the dishonest, the friend from a fair weather "friend".

I was raised by my grandmother(who passed 3-years ago this Saturday @ 91 years of age). I guess I adopted her way of looking at life.....people in general. She always said that she "would do the best she could by everyone and let God deal with the ones that may not deserve or appreciate it".

[Tri-ZNate]

Just be an ashole. I got tired of being nice. I cant count the amount of times I've sold parts to friends and never got paid. And it seems like the moment my truck is unavailable to haul something I stop getting phone calls. Now I have never been duped over for large sums of cash but it still pisses you off when they dont even make mention of it. My favorite one of all time was "Hey nate, can I borrow your stock tires and rims? I sold the ones off my car." :lol: dumb ass

[brapp]

its ok buddy i'll try not to put it in your butt lol

[Howdy]

You know this all could be a good thing. If you have someone ( family or friend ) that is a pest, then loan them money and you may never see them again. Simple way to get rid of them. lmao
Howdy