Lyme disease

[tri again]

new to this thread but have it on good opinion that our bodies can hear what we think.

We're all on your side fab.

You may not have to wait for very long for the miracles to start.

[atc007]

Gosh ,this can be a great place Some good things are happening for ya Fabsio,,, stay tuned

[atctim]

When I was eating super healthy, just raw fruits and veggies, I had to eat a pile of them to fill up. For lunch I would eat a large full bag of fresh spinach with about 5 carrots, and maybe come celery, a cucumber, then loads of fruit. Apples, oranges, pears. I would literally have my jaw sore after one feeding time to get full. Doing this 4 or more times a day to stay full. I know my energy levels were through the roof and I really need to try it again. Isn't it funny that how when you are in the midst of doing something great, you say to yourself: why didn't I do this a long time ago. Yet later when you fall out of good eating habits, it is so hard to get back into them, even though you know the powerfully awesome outcome. Food is for sure addictive. Sugars are like cocaine to you body. There is a raw animalistic craving for it set deep in our beings. It is so hard to get back to eating right - even though we all know how good it makes us feel. It's literally like good VS evil for our nutrition. All I know is that you are one of the most strong willed persons I have ever met. You WILL overcome this, that I know as fact. Thank you for the updates, I appreciate them as I am trulyconcerned that you are getting better. Stay strong brother!

[DohcBikes]

I feel like I have as much to say in response as you've provided in detail. Just not sure that it would be well received at this juncture, so I'll say a few things for now, and maybe get the feeling to post more as I type.

You've chosen your treatment. Regardless of which route you go, there's only so much a man can do for another. Some of it, you gotta do yourself. You've already said what some of those things are, now I'm just wondering why you aren't doing them. If some days, you feel like you are dying, then what better motivation? You got nothing to lose by experiencing the discomfort that could provide the healing.

Stop smoking. Cigarettes are bad. I know you say 1 or 2 now and then, but that's an excuse to have one whenever you choose. Choose instead, the growth and health that comes from the minor discomfort of refusing your cravings. Every cigarrete is a step backward, and a statement that you aren't willing to do everything possible to make yourself healthy.

The "woe is me" relationship status is B.S. John. "I'm too old, i give up"... I'm sorry, but, LOL. Good. I'm glad you've given up on obsessing over the feeling that another person is what will make you complete. I understand that you might want a family. Why the deadline? Being guided by the schedule that modern society has implemented for you? Hmmmm. Well get this... There are some people out there that have already spent years with the love of their life, started and built a family, only to have it torn apart. There are thousands of people out there that would KILL to be in your position, never married, no kids with a past love, a clean slate with no less oportunity at 36 than you had when you were 18. It's all perception, my friend, and yours is usually more positive than this.

You're John "Fabiodriven" Fahey, and you have every ounce of energy and potential that it takes to conduct yourself in a manner that will allow you to obtain any damn thing you want from life. You're powerful, you're a warrior. These are things you already know, and you've told us all before.

Hit the weights. I don't care how tired you are. I know how much gym time and strength training is exponential to your motivational thought process. The more you do good, and see good results, the more you will want it. ave you ever in your life met your strength training or physicality goals? Have you always wanted to be Bigger, Faster, Stronger, and known thatr you have the potential to achieve the vision you have of your best self, if only you could find the time, motivation, etc? Well now is the time. Go get it. When you feel the closest to defeat, you've got nothing to lose. You're not easily amazed, but you have the power to amaze others. Amaze yourself instead. Some might say "easier said than done," and them I say, "No shlt".

Good, get rid of that feeling. Resolve to be ok with loving yourself, being in a relationship with you and you alone. Anyone that knows, will tell you that love often shows up when you've given up on it, real love can not be stopped. If she's out there, she'll find you. There's no deadline.

Financially, I'm in debt to people I don't even remember. I've taken risks with other people's money, untold amounts of my own, and dug a hole so deep that it's actually almost impressive. I quit drinking. I quit smoking weed. I started lifting weights again. None of those things cost money to do, and nobody can take any of that from me. No matter how much the debt that I can't seem to manage quite yet is on my mind, I still at least have a set of dumbells to pick up and say "alright, I know this is good for me, I know I'm spending no money and that i'm getting in shape". There's no downside to doing healthy things for yourself, regardless of your financial status. I'm not saying that this is an issue for you, but it's my demon and this is the way I fight it. Hopefully time spent doing the right things and taking 2 steps forward for 1 step back will eventually tip the scales of fate into my favor. Regardless of what others think, people CAN change, and it usually happens when the worst is upon us. I'm a good person and I intend to prove it to those that might think otherwise. It takes time and dedication.

You don't sit back on your heels, in defense, and expect to overcome a threat. You get your ass in gear and attack it, put it on the defense, and smother it with an endless barrage of whatever exposes the weakness of that particular threat. You're not one to cower and cover yourself in the warm blanket of fear, so I guess you'll have to start fighting.

You gotta eat better and drink more water. Stop talking about it and do it. Between the "wringing of the dirty sponge" that weight lifting provides, the flush and refresh that water supports, and the reintroduction of the proper ingredients to the muscles and bloodstream that healthy eating will provide, you can give your body and immune sytem a triple threat attack on this bacteria and disease that has you on the defense.

There's a story being told in your posts here. Not one of lyme disease, but one of life and the circumstances that life brings, regardless of what we have the opportunity to manifest, and how we can take the energy and frequencies that are transmitted to us, only to convert them to whatever energy and frequencies we would like the world we live in, to receive.

What's this life for? I don't know, John. We surely won't know if we don't decide to live it.

[83ATC185]

Your thinking toward the healthcare system is definitely on the right track. You might study into the PH level of the body and how it affects your health and how changing it can fight disease. This is an interesting read and website...

http://healthwyze.org/reports/361-th...pposed-to-know

Stay strong!

[Dirtcrasher]

John, I know we haven't been close for a long time; I'm well aware of why that all happened and take 100% responsibility.

Losing a close friend made me make better choices as well as my father moving in.

I hate reading how bad this has affected you especially because I knew how much effort you were putting in to eat better, exercise etc etc etc.

So, I'm just throwing it out there; I know you have lots of close friends but if you need anything or help with anything, don't hesitate to give me a call.

[fabiodriven]

Damon thank you for such a well thought out post. From what you know about me it's clear you're paying attention here. I have very close friends that I spend a lot of time with personally that have no idea what's going on with me. You can't explain it to them, even if they could listen past three sentences without being distracted or interjecting they still wouldn't understand, and none of them have 20 minutes to take to read this thread which they've all been directed to. "You want me to READ something?" Perish the thought! Never mind then! I don't want you to read anything. You asked a question and here is the answer. If you don't want to read it then stay in the dark, doesn't matter to me. So thank you for your attention and consideration. I might have the very same advice if the shoe were on the other foot.

You've chosen your treatment. Regardless of which route you go, there's only so much a man can do for another. Some of it, you gotta do yourself. You've already said what some of those things are, now I'm just wondering why you aren't doing them. If some days, you feel like you are dying, then what better motivation? You got nothing to lose by experiencing the discomfort that could provide the healing.

Hit the weights. I don't care how tired you are. I know how much gym time and strength training is exponential to your motivational thought process. The more you do good, and see good results, the more you will want it. ave you ever in your life met your strength training or physicality goals? Have you always wanted to be Bigger, Faster, Stronger, and known thatr you have the potential to achieve the vision you have of your best self, if only you could find the time, motivation, etc? Well now is the time. Go get it. When you feel the closest to defeat, you've got nothing to lose. You're not easily amazed, but you have the power to amaze others. Amaze yourself instead. Some might say "easier said than done," and them I say, "No shlt".

This is overwhelming. When it gets to the point where it is winning a battle and I have to come home and collapse in bed, that's because I have to come home and collapse in bed. Last Friday I pushed it farther than I should have, I was determined to finish all my tasks at hand. I had trailer load of compost to pick up and deliver, then swap out trucks and jump in the lowboy so I could go pick up a loader. The loader was close to Boston and north of the city, I'm on the South Shore. That means a wrestling match with traffic. By the time I was loading the machine on the trailer it was clear something was wrong. I stopped en route to delivering the loader to get something to eat but it didn't help, my head was spinning. I got the loader off and had to go pick up an excavator from there, load that, then drop it off at a residence and pick up the skid steer that was there. I didn't find this out until later but after I loaded the loader I left the stinger down that props up the goose neck while the lowbed trailer is separated. In turn I ruined the brand new fenders my boss just had put on the truck two weeks ago. I was stumbling and nauseous, so I don't know what I'm expected to do in that condition.

Stop smoking. Cigarettes are bad. I know you say 1 or 2 now and then, but that's an excuse to have one whenever you choose. Choose instead, the growth and health that comes from the minor discomfort of refusing your cravings. Every cigarrete is a step backward, and a statement that you aren't willing to do everything possible to make yourself healthy.

I know what you are saying. I've completely quit before and I will do it again. Cigarettes have been a staple of my misery for years. When I'm at my worst, when life is hitting me the hardest, for the last twenty years I've reached for a smoke. This is hard hitting, some of the biggest stuff of my life. This is insanely stressful and it's very easy to turn the stress into more illness under these circumstances. Obviously I have a weakness for smoking and I'm happy with where I'm at in that regard right this second. It's difficult for me to be down and not smoke. It's far easier for me not to smoke when I'm happy.

The "woe is me" relationship status is B.S. John. "I'm too old, i give up"... I'm sorry, but, LOL. Good. I'm glad you've given up on obsessing over the feeling that another person is what will make you complete. I understand that you might want a family. Why the deadline? Being guided by the schedule that modern society has implemented for you? Hmmmm. Well get this... There are some people out there that have already spent years with the love of their life, started and built a family, only to have it torn apart. There are thousands of people out there that would KILL to be in your position, never married, no kids with a past love, a clean slate with no less oportunity at 36 than you had when you were 18. It's all perception, my friend, and yours is usually more positive than this.

This realistically is a subject for another thread completely, alas I must reply in at least a brief fashion. As I stated earlier in this thread, I had slayed these demons. I was working on my self image and learning to love myself. The gym isn't just for physical gain, with me it's every bit as important for my mind. It is absolutely essential. Damon this ages you something fierce. My hair is falling out, people call me sir, and 21 year old people look like children to me now. Ten years ago I had the most beautiful woman you ever saw. We bought a house together and had two cats and a dog. She was off the charts in the looks department, but she was so much more than that. Hard, hard worker, smartest woman I've ever met, she could sing, open minded, sexy as hell, didn't wear makeup once the entire 5+ years we were together and she would turn every man's head when she entered the room. She was perfection personified in the form of a female, and I lost her. If I knew then what I know now. So where do you go from there? I quickly learned that very few women found me interesting after that, or any that did were not someone I'd be interested in. So where do you go from there? When you've been eating filet mignon every night, how do you suddenly switch to burgers? In typical fashion I somehow managed to up the ante by landing the most beautiful girl (in my opinion) from my home town growing up. I met her when I was 18 and she was 12. We were acquaintances and nothing more at that time, however 14 years later fate had it that our paths would cross, and I was determined to take advantage of those circumstances. I did so and long story short she wasn't as pretty on the inside as she was on the outside. I did everything I could for her for two and a half years and she was determined to destroy me as a person. I let her, I have very little power against her, I let her twice actually. Letting go of these situations was my triumph that I had mentioned earlier, it had taken place before I ever got Lyme. The problem with this affliction is, it is a part of you. It is me Damon. I know what bothers me, therefor it knows what bothers me which allows it to use my worst thoughts against me. I can't erase the past, it has full access to my thoughts and memories and it takes full liberty. This is the short version believe it or not. It is tough to get past what I've had and lost. Memories of good times hurt me that they're over rather than being glad they happened at times. When I see young couples I see myself from times passed. It hurts me and makes me miss what I had and what has proven very elusive since. This disease has access to what I've been through with anxiety and depression and it knows how to use it. Basically what many wouldn't understand is I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes. I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.

I do intend to see this through. I saw the doctor today and he is ever optimistic. There are parts of this that you all don't know, that many don't know. I hinted earlier in this thread that Lyme can reach into just about any physical or mental part of the human body and mind. If you wanted to really get to someone, if you had zero regard for what's fair and clean, if you needed to inflict the most damage with no concern for your intended victim, a low-blow might be in order. Without coming right out and saying much more than that, there is a critical area on all men that we consider a very large portion of who we are as male human beings. Lyme clearly harbors discontent for the human species, or it just enjoys torturing people. It is very smart and it knew I was getting the upper hand last week. If a low blow might get to me, Lyme would surely not be opposed to such and idea. Capiche?

[Dirtcrasher]

I get what you mean about the family etc etc. I'm the same way, is too. We just can't seem to find the right girl. So, I stopped looking and did things that made me happy. And #1 on that list is seeing the people from Facebook and 3WW; That's my family as well as my mom/dad/brother/sister in law and a 5yo niece.
Sadly, they won't let me build her a trike......
I see seemingly happy couples everywhere; But how many of them are in love, can't wait to see each other every day and feel "complete" with a spouse??
Not many from what I've seen. People stay together for lots of reasons, kids, family, don't want to hurt anyone etc etc. But that's life the way they choose to live it.
Personally, I haven't met anyone in 10 years that I thought maybe she was the girl. We have problems, they have problems; And at your and my age, we may not have kids or have never been married but they do. So, it can be hard to fill that void with the right girl.

I am so happy my toy hauler is all mine and done, I have my trikes, I have my shop, I have my dad and I have my family both trikewise and genetically.

Sure it hurts to see others seemingly so happy, but get them apart and ya may find they're not the real deal, they aren't all rainbows and puppy dog tails!!
It's hard to find that one true love, so I don't look. I just stay busy....

You are absolutely correct. I see happy couples with kids and houses and although I can relate with 20 year olds, it's not gonna be easy to find that one special person. So, let Karma work for you.

You may feel like, "Well, WTF, I'm the best I've ever been and I still don't have a girl I'm proud to be with".

We may be destined to be alone, and I'm fine with that. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with a girl, her baggage and all the crap that comes with it.

You and I both have a house, probably very little on credit cards and some toys and friends to enjoy. We're luckier than most. I want a trike/backhoe/big garage or a small machine shop and I save for it and do it. Most people will never have any or anything like that; Just their miserable existence in an apartment with not so much as a bicycle. But, they have their SUBOXONE scrpt and food stamps to sell and 1 paycheck or MASS welfare SSI/SSDI to count the days with. Who the F! wants to live like that!!

I love my Toyhauler so much that I often sleep in it. I just feel so FREE!!

I wish I accomplished these goals 10 years ago but a couple girls got in the way. And time goes by so fast; But I love where I'm at now.

All you gotta do is beat this infection and continue where you had to stop. Your generally a very healthy veteran and I'm fairy certain you will beat this one way or another!! Nothing else has ever stopped you and this won't either...

[DohcBikes]

If you guys had wives, right about now you'd probably be unwillingly participating in a "love your spouse" challenge on facebook. Imagine the pure lifelessness that must exist to have spawned such an epidemic.

Tons more to say, probably a good thing we have a gig tonight. Suffice it to say, I know what it's like to lose the love of your life. 8+ years being told i was loved, then poof, gone. Difference with me is, that I now know it could be a lot worse.

[plastikosmd]

In reading this, i am reminded of the power of a good woman and the devastation that a bad one can create. Guess I should go hug the wife

[fabiodriven]

Yes, women wield a lot of power that they take for granted. I've seen enough men, including myself, just absolutely crushed out of nothing more than the just the woman's will to do so, just because they can. It's just my point of view and only one side of the argument so what I think is irrelevant really. If it came down to it and honesty were the only choice, I know as well as she does what happened. They're such good actors that they can actually fool themselves, poor them. I know the good ones exist, I had one. They're fawking unicorns though, good luck. At this age, especially where I live in the country, I've been coming up quite empty handed. But I must digress, as this is another thread completely.

Obviously there have been some bleak posts by me as of late and undoubtedly the situation is serious, however this is a glimpse into what this disease is and as part of this disease it is well known that people suffer great depression. As such, if I am to accurately portray what this is then I must express the highs and lows for the sake of accuracy. There have been lows lately, yes, but what Steve and Damon are trying to convince me of I know in my heart of hearts. Unfortunately I do lose connection with that train of thought when I get in a bad place, which is expected of someone in this condition. What's truly unfortunate is how recently I had decided to stop worrying about the past and things I couldn't do anything about, and the success I had accomplished being knocked down so effortlessly. It's as if I had built myself a platform to keep from wallowing in the shite, brick by brick, until I was in a new place. It had taken a lot of work both mentally and physically. I had carved new neuro-pathways and hatched a completely new outlook on life and especially myself. I'm very familiar with how all of this works.

Lyme just knocked me down with such a quick swipe, just took it all away as soon as I had achieved it. Something I had worked so hard to ascertain and it just reached out and took it from me like candy from a baby. Something I felt I had such a tight grasp on. The timing of this, after struggling inside my own head for so long and just finally walking away from all that, then here comes Lyme with an even tougher nut to crack. You can look at it as if I got stronger in my fight over the last ten years, that was training so I was better prepared for this, or you could look at it as just being too tired to fight anymore, being worn out from fighting for the last ten years. It all depends on the day.

After seeing the doctor yesterday and informing him of the issues I was having not being able to taste and smell that good, he was able to fix that. So far most of the things he's tackled he's had a lot of success with. This is just how it goes, you have to chase it around the body and hit it one problem at a time. I have a slew of herbs I'm taking and I've read that herbs are the best recourse with this. So combined with the lasers, acupuncture, and whatever else he's got over there I should be in good shape. Just gotta stick with it and chase it around for a while.

[Dirtcrasher]

That god damn horsefly!! It's crazy; I wouldn't believe it if it were from anyone else!

Man, I hope you can beat this fricken thing; It sounds horrible....



EDIT - All the times my mother STILL warns me about mosquito's, flys, bats, coyotes, frog spit, beetle dung etc etc. I always brush her thoughts off!!

No joke man...............

[fabiodriven]

Point to counter-point. Here is a good post that I'm happy to be able to share this morning for those who are interested.

Friday was crappy with Saturday being similar. Just a waste of two beautiful beach days with me only having left the house once between those two days only to see the doctor. Sunday (yesterday) I felt good enough to spend the entire day on the Buell, but still couldn't say I felt great. Today I can say that I actually do feel great! I've been adhering to my diet restrictions for the most part and I'm sure that has had an effect as well as the herbs I've been taking. I just hope it keeps up like this. I'll see the doctor again today.

I've known this song for years but it came up in my shuffle today and had an entirely new meaning for me

https://youtu.be/7kvyfTarFp8


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[DohcBikes]

Knocked out 100 push-ups with this on my mind while lifting yesterday.

[fabiodriven]

That's borderline homosexual. Nice!

Seriously though thank you Damon. Yesterday I thought long and hard about working out, I'm really looking forward to being able to do it again. Unfortunately I have to ration my energy now and be very weary of how much I strain myself. I just kind of lolly-gag through the day now, it's not the way I'd like to live. Last summer after I thought I had gotten rid of Lyme it was tough to get back on top. I couldn't just jump right back into the gym.

I'll keep the updates coming, maybe a little less frequently though, and as always thanks to everyone for the support. Today wasn't as good as yesterday so at this point I'm going to back off on updates because I'm swaying back and forth here. The treatment has been so frequent that it's difficult to attribute it to anything definitively in either direction. Basically I have a bunch of shite I have to get down my gullet during the day, I can't eat anything so I'm hungry all the time and constantly firing fruits and vegetables down, and I'm going to work but barely. If we had our spring work load right now I'd be fuct completely. It's difficult to have a good day when you're walking such a fine line. I'm fighting something that society tells you is a losing battle, just going through the motions on a day like this, more of a shell than the person that is me. I'm typically a bit more sensitive than most, very strong feelings, however on days like this they're flat. I know what to do and say from experience, however if I have to engage in in conversation that requires thought or feeling I go blank. It's very uncomfortable so avoiding conversation is best. I live alone and I'm alone in the truck all day so I'm lucky in that regard, however I don't aim to spend the rest of my life like this. There are some serious repercussions if I don't get better and that's something I must concern myself with right now whether I'd like to or not.


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