What's your favorite joke!

[Aulbaugh]

It's always good to have some laughter in your day! What's your favorite joke?

What's long, green, and smells like pork? Kermit's finger

[TrickShot]

I forgot to tell yall what happened earlier .. I parked at the local convenient store to buy some gingerale because I was feeling a bit nauseous. As I walked up to the doors I saw these two cops looking at a woman who was smoking while pumping gas. I'm thinking like, look at this goofball, what an idiot, and with the cops right there too.
So anyways, I go in, get a 12pack of ginger ale and while I was checking out, I hear someone screaming. I look outside & that woman's arm was on fire! She's like freaking out, tossing & waiving her arm around & just going crazy!
I ran outside to see the cops had put her on the ground and was putting the fire out with an extinguisher. I go back in to get my soda that I forgot when I ran out, and as I'm walking by the cops, they are putting handcuffs on her and was about to put her in the cop car. I'm like what in the world is really going on? So me being the concerned citizen that I am (aka nosey) asked the cops what are they were arresting her for, thinking that catching her arm on fire for smoking would be punishment enough. The cop in charge looked right at me, said Nope... for waiving a firearm in public!!
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Have a good one ya'll, I'm here all night!

[RUNMEDOWN]

Three men walk into a bar: a priest, a pedophile, and a rapist,

That was the first guy.......

[greenhuman]

Two guys are out hunting when one of them collapses to the ground unconscious. His mate rips out his phone and dials 911. The person from 911 asks what is the problem. The hunter says his friend just collapsed and he thinks he is dead. The operator says to just stay calm and to make sure he is really dead. There is silence for a few seconds and the operator hears a shot. The guy comes back to the phone and says OK, now what?

[Scootertrash]

What does Trump's Secret Service team yell when they see a gun?















Donald, duck!!!

[Scootertrash]

What's the difference between Niagra and Viagra?




Niagra falls

[83ATC185]

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?






You can't unscrew a pregnant woman!

[keister]

Two guys get into a disagreement inside a gay bar. The argument got very heated; eventually they stepped outside and exchanged blows.

[Tri-Z 250]

Black guy walks in to the local bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "wow where did ya get that?"

With a loud squak the parrot answers " Africa there's millions of em!"

[tripledog]

Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full.

[Scootertrash]

What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?




ET learned English and wanted to go home.

[Scootertrash]

Fred and Edith were a couple of hillbillies living in the sticks.

One afternoon, Edith tells Fred that the outhouse needed fixing. Fred looked out back and surmised it could use some sprucing up.

That weekend Fred went to the General Store and got some roofin, nails, latch and such and commenced on resurrecting the necessary house.

Monday morning, Edith came in from her morning constitution and snatched Fred by the ear, dragging him out to the outhouse.

"I told you this needed fixin".

"I did fix it. New roof, paint, latch. She's a beaut".

"Yeah? Stick your head in that hole".

He did, and as he removed his head, he started to say that he didn't see a thing.

But, a small crack in the seat snagged and ripped a sizeable hunk of his beard out.

"OOOOWWWWW" he says.

"Hurts, don't it", said Edith.

[Scootertrash]

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences."In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember," he continues, "one day I was
protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers
appeared."There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle."I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though,
the other fokker was right on my tail."At this point, several of the elderly ladies of the church were blushing with embarrassment, the girls were all giggling and the boys
laughing loudly.The pastor finally stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company, who made
many of the planes used by the Germans during the war.""Yes, that's true," says the old pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmitts."

[yaegerb]

What's the best thing about duct tape?.....

It turns no, no, no into mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm

[83ATC185]

I've read that the people in Dubai don't understand Fred Flintstone jokes, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.