Wife wants a divorce.

[whyzee]

16 years together, married for 11. 3 beautiful girls, a 10 yr old and identical twins 7yrs old.
In a nutshell, I am incapable of truly loving someone other than myself first then my daughters and then my wife.
I am aware of this problem . I realize it's a huge flaw because unless I can change it I will be alone for the rest of my life.
After doing alot of reflecting I realize things just changed inside my brain after 3 major life events.
Death of my Dad, my best friend of 16 years stabbing me in the back beyond belief, and my sister's husband screwing me out of a large sum of money and forcing her to take his side. Haven't spoken to her in 12 years.
I learned to forgive and move on because I had to...for years I didn't sleep properly because of all this crap. But unfortunately I have not fully recovered. I just never let anyone get inside of my head fully ever since. I have always made sure I was ok...only thing that truly kept me together or I should say the only constant in my life that kept me going was riding. my kids , work and the fact that I had the most supportive wife in the world. Well no more. This is going to hurt pretty bad when it sets in.

[atc007]

Wish to God I could help you man. I don't know what else to say. You're a great guy,and if she's that good. She just might be worth changing ! Good Luck man.

[M.Pargiello]

Well, in my opinion a big part of marriage is being able to put her needs before yours sometimes (ok, all the time ), and showing her love in all forms. If you can't do this, then ultimately it is never going to work out. With your wife, or anyone. I really don't have any advice to offer, but if you really want it to work and she does, you will find a way to fix your issue.

[maxdallasfan]

Go see a psychologist. That will show her you are making an effort to change.

[manbearpig]

Go see a psychologist. That will show her you are making an effort to change.

Yes... However this could be leverage against you should a custody battle arise, which is very unfortunate.

As much as this is hurting you, be aware of how this will affect your children

[Dirtcrasher]

Hi Chris, so sorry to hear. Your family has been through allot. Seems like she stuck with you from our conversations without incident.

I don't want to be biased, but some women are crazy; Others just change throughout their lives.

If she means allot to you (sometimes the kids aren't the bond) then she will go to some counseling with you.

My wife left me because she was doing cocaine behind my back and refused help when I found out.

It's been awhile but I finally feel 100% happy alone and enjoy my friends.

One thing that pissed me off, we went to counseling and the 1st visit the psyc told us that if we continue to disagree we should separate and dissolve the marriage. It gave me little hope and made me feel terrible. She shouldn't throw it all away after a change in her brain. Were supposed to work with each other are we not??

PM me your number (and a good time to reach you) if you want to talk Chris. So sad that outsiders view relationships as "perfect" but far from it in real life.........

[86T3]

I ve only been married for a little over a year but i think i can relate. I feel that im kind of a selfish person but i try to do things for my wife. Its little things like helping with dishes or cooking, trying to make time for her to.do things she enjoys. Even dumb things like building a cat condo for her cats. I guess its just try your best to show you care. I dont know if you ever watched the movie The Weatherman but the father in it has some great quotes. I cant quote it word for word but the gist is nothing that is easy is good, only the things you work at are rewarding. Its obvious to us that you care or you wouldnt reach out for help. I hope something in here can help, best wishes for you and your family.

[DasUberKraut]

Sorry man. My marriage will be over in about 5 or 6 weeks. We made it all of 18 months.

I tried the begging and pleading. I tried crying like a little girl. In the end... I came to the realization that I never should have married her. It hurts like hell. I guarantee no matter how crappy you feel right now. You will find peace.

[KASEY]

i don't think i can give much advice.. but i can relate .. i can count on one hand how many times we have thought about a divorce,, at one point i even gave up all the things i thought i needed in my life to help the situation, well it did make a difference in the outcome of my life.. i have been married only one time to the same person,, 34 years now,, we have been through alot to say the least,,, BUT today life is better than it has ever been i have 3 beautiful daughters with 2 grandkids,, i look back and realize the things i was holding on to so tight really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.,, i feel i am better for what i let go of in an effort to keep my family ,, we are a fantastic family today and the best thing of all in my life now.. is when my kids come to me and hug me and tell me that now as adults they see what i did for them,,, it comes back ten fold believe me it does... my kids NEVER ever leave my house without a giant hug a kiss and "love you daddy" life is grand,,,,,,

[FBF]

April fools day right?

[whyzee]

^ no, no April fools day here.
Lot's of great advice guys. Thank you all! She certainly is worth changing for. We have been down this road quite a few times and I always get her back then get complacent again. I just don't follow through for long.
Kasey, I hear what you are saying about giving up things that you thought you needed to hold on to.
My family is the most important thing in the world to me. I am going to try as hard as I can to keep us together.
It's not like I am a bad person, she even tells me that I am probably the nicest person she has ever met. A great Dad, etc. But I hardly ever put her feelings first. I'm either working on a bike, riding a bike or playing on my phone cruising 3WW. I never just sit back ,enjoy time with her and talk. Ugh..she's right.

[atc007]

Lol,,sounds like someones changing ...Super great advice Kasey. I can second having a family that loves you,,down the road,,is priceless. Time TRULY spent with those kiddos and her can't compare to 3ww...oops,was that out loud?? We're ALL pulling for ya Chris. Like Steve said, you give me a call anytime also.

[CRAZY70MAN]

Been down this road. My daughter was 1 1/2 old. We had just built a brand new home. New suv,new cars..etc. Life was grand. I unfortunately caught her on the phone with another man. We considered counseling but realized it was no good for our situation. Those were some of the hardest times of my life but friends,faith and my family made me soldier on..as well as my daughter. I kept the house but got all the bills?? lol.... My daughter is going to be 13 this year and I am very proud to say as I get a few tears in my eyes that I have no regrets and I know in my mind I did the best that I could. I still made the ballgames, went on vacations with her, rodebikes, seen her get on the first schoolbus and the like. She is still my little girl after all the bullsh%T has settled at the end of the day. You sound like a good guy at heart to me who has been thru some real tuff times in your life. Take your time....think it out and communicate with her to see if there is any chance to save it. If not..hopefully both of you can be mature and not get in a tugging match with the kids. My ex wife...no matter what she did in my eyes is still my daughters mother. I never spoke a negative word about her in front of my daughter. Do the best you can my friend. That is all you can do..the best you can. Life went on for me and I remarried the best woman I ever met. I tell her it was like finding an old 65 mustang with no miles parked in a barn..lol rare breed of a real woman today is what I mean.lol.... Enough about my past. Sometimes it is just the nature of some of us to get caught up in the scramble of life and to not be able to make everyone happy in my eyes. Sometimes they are not happy from within and look to others to make them happy and when it does not work, move on. I hope you get your situation figured out. Feel free to give me a call anytime if you need a laugh....I am no good at advice... Keep that chin up.... Andy

[shovelryder]

YOU just answered all yer questions!!!! Right there!!!! And I gotta say......To the guy whos giving her a break by helping with the dishes......youll never see the twnty plus that Ive seen........Ya better be doin alot more than that!!!!!!!And BTW.....Thats YOUR job to!

My Mom just passed, Dads gettin close enough that he gave me all the titles and deeds yesterday......Just lost my kid nephew in a tragic snowmobile accident.......But my wife is very high on a pedestal........We fight over who GETS to do chores cause we wanna see the other relax.....Put yer phone down and take a break from the site.......Park the toys fer a bit.........Change is always for the better. TELL her nose to nose your intentions........Ya gotta try man......I wish you well friend!!!!

[oldskool83]

You stated your causing it, so change. If you dont talk or love anyone you wont have another wife let alone a gf or anything. Just do stuff with her. It's not that hard. Just sell some wheelers and stay outta the garage an extra 2 days a week. Simple trade off.

Hell id be more then happy to even have a wife to talk to let alone a women.