True Story:
So...I was like 13 or so
my parents were sick of looking at my report card and I had wanted an ATC for a few years by then
So they tell me they would buy one if I were to get straight A`s on my last three report cards that year...and I begin smelling knobby floaters and new plastic in my sleep and proceed to bust my ass in school
so the first six week report card arrives and my parents were floored to read numerous A`s and A minuses all down the columns...I think they had secretly plotted to get me to shut up about a new three-wheeler by setting a goal so high that my Slacker-Ass could not possibly achieve thus putting to bed all those days of whining for a three-wheeler and numerous annual christmas lists I submitted which simply read: "A new three-wheeler" (I got a new Redline bicycle one year that way)
being proud parents of an aspiring professional Slacker, they were so taken aback that they drove me down to Greenwood Honda to look over the inventory
(because my step-father had actually wanted a new Big Red for the farm and he wasn`t above using me and my hard work to talk my mom into it)
So I strolled into the Honda dealership full of hope and wonderment....and then I saw IT....a brand new Honda 350X...in all it`s red white and blue ass-kickin GLORY
Like the American Flag, that beauty paused me in my tracks as it occurred to me what a wonder world this planet really was...just ripe for tearing up the farm with 350ccs of rooster tail spewing knobbies...my freinds were gonna hate my guts...and I smiled thinking about it
so my stepdad gets hawk-eyed by the salesman looking at those gawd awful rack- bedecked utilitarian Big Reds complete with a whole slew of add-on goodies like a snowplow, a trailer hitch, and I think if I remember correctly several other available hunks of accessories that were bound to weigh me down and prevent me from throwing rooster tails (keep in mind I was hitting puberty about this time and "utility" was the farthest thing from my mind not to mention a waste of a good three-wheeler...and besides "utility" is foreign for "my stepdad is gonna hog this thing all the time wanting to tow little gay wagons loaded with firewood and lava rocks for mom`s flower beds and whatnot"
I was not interested.....and Walter was laying it on THICK..."did you hear that, honey? I comes with a cupholder and a snowplow attachment so I can push snow while drunk!"....."Did you hear that? He said we can buy a posthole digger so I can put up fenceposts!"...Walter wouldn`t know a fencepost if it hit him in the face...but my mom was BUYING this load of hooey!...She was talking about how he could help her landscape the yard and such!
I was friggin livid....but that All-American colored Jap trike was calling my name over and over....SO I decided to intervene...and how
I calmly but firmly interrupted that Sales Shark to inform my evil Step-nemesis that it was MY grades that were gonna get the trike and that he make his own good grades if he wanted that Big Red...Mom reminded me that she could still whip my ass right there on the showroom floor for being rude (back then parents could and would whip yer ass in the aisle at K-Mart for acting a fool...witnesses and all...hell other parents would offer to whip yer ass at K-Mart if yer mom was too shy to do it!)
So I fumed for a minute and said calmly "Excuse me, mom...but you said I could get a trike I wanted if I got my grades up and I want THAT one"....pointing with much enthusiasm at yon 350X...with pride
Sales Shark had smelled money on my stepdad for the Red, a lengthy service contract, and every Hondaline accesory in the whole darn catalog...he replies "Son, I think that might be a bit big for you" followed by "This Big Red has plenty of power and it`s much easier to ride"
friggin Sales Shark...ruined my LIFE! (I was going thru puberty so everyone was ruining my life back then)
more words were exchanged between Evil Stepdad the Schemer and the slaes person...he took home 48 or so Big Red associated pamphlets
I grabbed one for the 350X.......and the 200X (which was obviously just as sporty and mean looking but with a smaller engine (so the Sales Shark couldn`t say it was "too much for me"
and when we got home, without a word, I went nextdoor to Grandmas house
Grandma was my secret weapon...she loved me dearly and frequently stuck up for me with the parental units....and she ALWAYS won
So I break it down to Grandma and she puts me in the car and marches me right back home for The Great War....to keep this story from dragging out any further I`ll skip the details and just say....WE WON
two more report cards pass and I still got A`s....so I plead my case to my parents and when the argument of "He said it was too big a machine for you" came up, I whipped out my fancy 200X pamphlets (Honda had the coolest pamphlets with an action photo of the featured machine on front and a spec sheet and wicked-cool photos of it sitting still begging to be flogged inside the pamphlet) (and I wore that pamphlet out like a four year-old copy of Playboy)...so they relent and congratulate me and inform me the X was worth two Xmas gifts and that I deserved to have it....I was friggin STOKED...they were gonna wait till a check came in from Walt`s work to go purchase the X...and Walt was still trying to get a Big Red "while we are there"
a week or so later I`m lying in bed reading my pamphlet....again....when I overheard the TV in Mom and Walt`s room
It was like 60 Minutes or some crap and the soundbyte said something about kids getting hurt or killed on three-wheeled all terrain cycles....my heart sank like a rock...maybe they wouldn`t hear it...I shut my bedroom door and knelt down and prayed to Jesus for a 200X (I really did....cuz I thought Jesus would grant me a 200x for being a good kid)
I fell asleep confident that Jesus was gonna get me a three-wheeler
the next morning at breakfast I decide to bring the subject up
Mom told me about the show and told me I might as well ask for something else because grades or not, TV said they were dangerous and I wasn`t getting one....PERIOD
for a few weeks I was mad....Jesus must have been busy that night and my mom was being the meanest MOM ever
a couple months later I asked for a new CR80R...and Mom said "No, those are more dangerous than three-wheelers"
so I went to Grandma`s....and came home with a CR80R
fast forward to the Now:
I have a couple 200X`s an S and some 110s...I never got over the three-wheelers like they had hoped
the only difference is I would like to have that Big Red now...with every darn accesory Hondaline offered back then
Some things change and some stay the same
Nowadays local news here in KY is filled with reports of people getting killed on Quads and it won`t be long until the same media pressure is applied to them
I lost a good friend and coworker to a quad wreck a few months ago...no helmet,WFO, and on a paved road
So.....if you remember that show or what it was like back then for us kids, post up something...thanks for letting me tell the story


Reply With Quote


